


Holo Diary of Master Dooku

by medaeus (medivhthecorrupted)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 26,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23605120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medivhthecorrupted/pseuds/medaeus
Summary: Tionne Solusar has found a holo-recorder stashed away in the ruins of the Jedi Temple's living quarters while trying to salvage the lost knowledge of the Jedi. What she finds is the life of a Jedi Master before he had fallen. A private journal covering Count Dooku's life from age 4 to age 70, when he joins and leaves the Jedi Order.
Relationships: Dooku/Jocasta Nu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Year Sixty-Six – Just Before Resignation**

_A hologram appears of an elderly Jedi Master. His hair is dark, streaked with gray and his brown eyes are tired. The hologram flickers as he adjusts something on an unseen control panel before he straightens his vestments and begins to speak in a baritone voice..._

I am Yan Dooku, a Master in the fabled Order of the Jedi. I am also exactly seventy standard years and I am feeling every single one tonight. It has been a long time since I have recorded on this dusty old holorecorder, but I suppose it should not come as a surprise considering the life I have led for the last sixty some odd years with the Jedi. There simply was not the time to record down what was going on in my life, at least after I had become a Knight myself...

_He pauses with a look of contemplation before continuing._

No, it was after Qui-Gon had become a Knight when I stopped recording on this thing as frequently as I had. It is ironic looking back, watching a frightened child growing into a man, wanting to go home and have nothing to do with the Jedi. Now I will finally have that chance to do what I wanted when I first came here. Except everyone that I had wanted to return to is long gone and all that remains is a family I do not even know.

_He is quiet for a few moments. A sadness seems to briefly overcome him before he manages to school his features into a cold, stoic expression._

I have always wondered why I stayed once I had reached the legal age to decide for myself. I knew I could have left any time and rejoined my younger brother as the Count of Serenno. I could have left and pursued a wife and had a son of my own instead of standing here feeling empty from the loss of one I had considered my own. I could have enjoyed being an uncle to my nephew, Adan, instead of being that distant, eccentric relative that was a Jedi.

I suppose the reason I stayed was because it was what my parents had wanted for me. Strong as I was in the Living Force, my future would be with the Jedi and I would bring honor to our House by becoming one of the greatest masters that ever lived. That is what my father had told me when I had asked after my Knighting. I take that back, it was after I had taken Qui-Gon as my Padawan, he was priority over my own personal matters.

Qui-Gon.

_A heavy sigh._

I told myself I would not mourn his loss and yet my thoughts continue to drift toward him. My padawan, the boy whom I had raised to adult and Knighthood had been murdered by our ancient enemies. He's the reason why I am recording on this blasted thing again. I wanted to remember him and yet I find myself looking back to the first days of my apprenticeship instead. Perhaps I want to find a reason to continue to stay before I make the decision to resign my commission tomorrow morning?

_He lowers his head, struggling with an unseen conflict within him. He continues after a moment, a dark look in his eyes._

Without Qui-Gon being that one squall of defiance amidst the sea of complacency, I have no hope for the Jedi. They do not listen to me anymore. I have become _too old_ and _set in my ways_ to see things the Council does. Bah! They are the ones too set in their ways to see anything! Too complacent! Now that the Sith have returned, the Council will be the death of us all, mark my words!

Just like they were the death of my Padawan!

_His fists ball up as a hidden temper rises with his words. He calms down and reaches for the unseen controls. The hologram flickers and disappears._

* * *

**Year One - Day One**

_A hologram of a small boy with unruly hair and wearing the attire of a Jedi Initiate flickers to life. His tongue sticks out at the side as he tries to make the recorder work. He blinks once he realizes it is working and licks his palm to push back his hair and make it stick flat to his skull. One cow lick pops back up and he glares before turning his gaze to the recorder and speaks._

I want to go home, but the green alien tells me that I am home now. I know it is not. There is no ocean or roses in the garden I had been shown. It is noisy outside and there are so many strange beings. I am afraid.

I remember being given to the short alien whom my father, the Count, said was a Jedi Master. My mother hadn't been present and I do not understand why. I do not understand why I was taken away. Had I not been a good boy? Had I done something to anger my parents?

The alien tells me it is because I am special, like him and everyone else in the... the Temple I think is what he said this place was. That I have a gift and that he and a future master will help me learn how to use and help the galaxy. Helping others is something I understand. My father always told me that the ' _Counts of Serenno do not cry or ask for help, we are born to help others_.'

I did not cry when I was taken. At least I think I didn't. I know I wanted to. I also wanted my mother and my best friend, Mala, and bury my face and fingers in her fur as she gave me kisses in a caring way that only pets knew how.

But I refused to cry.

I also did not talk after we arrived.

Yoda said I would get use to my new family in time and learn to let go of my old one. I didn't want to. I still don't. He only smiled at me before handing me over to another alien, a female with striped horns rising from her skull and something like lekkus resting over her shoulders. I know what lekkus are. My father has a Twi'lek servant that keeps the garden. But this alien was not a Twi'lek.

She asked me my name and I said nothing. I refused to talk. Maybe if I prove more trouble than I am worth they would take me back to my real home?

To my _real_ family.

_The boy's lip quivers and his face darkens as he tries his best not to cry. He loses the battle and kicks the recorder away. The scene spins and a small bed appears as the sound of a child crying is heard in the background. Eventually the recorder shuts down after a minute of no motion._


	2. Chapter 2

**Day Two**

_The hologram of the boy appears but this time his appearance is different. His hair is no longer unruly, but clean cut._

I think I am in trouble for this morning. I had been handed over to a new being yesterday, this one I am told would be my ... my I don't know the word but she is like nana back home. She takes care of me and nine other kids like me. Yesterday she had me dress in cloth that itches and matches the other kids but was a lot more comfortable than what nana always made me wear.

I do not mind too much. I never did like the stuffy clothing I had to wear. I could never play in the sand on the beaches near our home when I wore what nana called 'proper attire for a Count's son'. I wonder if I could in these? Would they let me?

I probably wouldn't find out anyway after what I had done.

After I was dressed this morning and broke my fast, my new _nana_ took me to another part of the Temple where other Jedi were having their hair cut. I knew what this meant and reached up to touch the short locks I was allowed to have. I watched in fascination and horror as a snail like alien cheerfully removed all of a Jedi's hair so that all he had left was a shiny head.

I wanted to keep my hair and when it was my turn I shamefully screamed and tugged against my nana when she tried to bring me to the Ithorian. In my defense, I was frightened and desperate to get away. That's why I bit her hand and kicked her in the leg.

_The boy grins a little at the memory._

I didn't get far. Something stopped me before I could dash out the door and slowly brought me to the chair and the snail-like alien. I screamed some more when the alien began cutting my hair and I feared he would take it all like he had done to that other Jedi.

I would not cry even though I wanted to as I felt the alien begin his work.

"This one has quite a set of lungs on him," someone had said in a calming voice. It had the effect he was hoping for and I stopped so I could look at him. It was the bald Jedi and he smiled at me warmly. "One would think you were attached to your hair, youngling."

I shook my head in reply which only got me two hands on either side of my head and held still for a second before the scissors went to work again.

"So you're not attached to your hair then?" asked the Jedi and I nodded in answer. I still refused to talk. "Then why all the fuss?" I pointed at his head and he surprised me with a mild laugh. He ran his hand over his hairless skull and smiled again as he realized my fear. "Ah young one, you fear Jedi Ik'e will take all of yours like he did mine?"

I nodded again.

"I will tell you a secret young one." He had my attention and the scissors fell quiet next to me as he leaned in to whisper me his secret. "I asked for it to be cut off. You see, little one, I had the misfortune of having a vat of sticky goo landing on me and it stuck my hair into unmanageable knots. I figure it was better to have no hair rather than try and get the sticky knots out."

I must have worn a disbelieving look for he called up a piece of his hair and showed me. I wrinkled my nose at the black stuff the strands were glued with.

He patted me on the shoulder and spoke to the alien behind me. "Don't take too much, Ik'e. The youngling would not look as good as I without his hair." The alien said something in its strange garble sound and the bald Jedi chuckled in reply. "What is your name, little one?"

"Yan Dooku," I had answered. I realized my mistake and quickly clamped my mouth shut with my hands.

It seemed to amuse the Jedi and he patted me on the shoulder. "I am Thame Cerulian. Welcome to the Jedi Order, young master Dooku."

_“Initiate Dooku,” someone called in the background and the boy looked up quickly. He reached for the holorecorder just as the sound of a door swished open. The hologram faded with the words, “There you are...”_


	3. Chapter 3

**Day Three**

_Dooku appears, looking like he has played in the dirt. He still looks unhappy._

It seems I didn't get in trouble like I thought I would. Master Naki merely lectured me about how big of a fuss I made about my hair getting cut and that I shouldn't bite or kick people. I didn't ask to have my hair cut and certainly not by Master Ik'e. I wouldn't have acted up then.

_The boy folds his arms as he pouts and continues to talk._

She found this recorder and was going to take it away but Master Yoda was present and said I should be allowed to keep it. Said it would help in my... tran shish... trans ... my getting use to this place.

At least I got to have some fun today. Master Naki took us to an outside playing ground today. There were other kids from other groups there. The others in my group ran ahead while I stayed behind and watched. I wasn't sure what to do. I've seen these places before back home but I was never allowed to join in. We always passed the parks.

"Go on," I had felt Master Naki gently prod me toward the others. I had looked up at her, lost. I didn't know what to say or do. "Go enjoy yourself and make some friends, youngling."

Another gentle push had me walking over to a group that were playing on bars that they grabbed at one end and swung across to the other end. One boy lost his grip half way and fell to the ground. He didn't cry like I thought he would but laughed before running back to get in line.

It looked fun despite the chance of falling. Some of the kids were already dirty from several attempts at crossing and not making it. The idea of getting dirty was strange to me. I know I wanted to do so back home but was never allowed.

"Won't you get in trouble for messing up your clothes?" I had asked, forgetting that I vowed not to talk. At this point I decided I could talk to the other kids at least. The boy who had fallen looked at me strangely and laughed. I glared.

"No," he replied. "We're suppose to get dirty, silly."

"Why would we want to do that?" I had always been told that the son of a Count was suppose to be proper and prim at all times because I was to make an impression for my father's friends. Dirt had no place in my life and would say I was uncivilized otherwise.

Yet watching the others get dirty as they played didn't seem so. It looked fun and the boy I spoke to said as much. "Because it's fun and we're suppose to have fun. Didn't you ever play where you're from?"

I looked down regretfully. "No. I wasn't allowed to, at least not like this."

He had grabbed me by the hand unexpectedly and shoved me in front of him. "Come on. It's fun." I looked at him dubiously but a push from him had me climbing the short ladder and grabbing the first bar. "You swing across like a monkey-lizard!"

I did as he said but by the time I reached the fourth bar my arms gave out and I fell into the dirt below. The boy made it a couple bars past me and lost his grip too and although I was angry I didn't make it across, he seemed not to care and grinned at me.

"Let's get back in line and try again," he had suggested and I followed. He stuck out his hand as we waited and introduced himself. "I'm Lorian, what's your name?"

"Yan Dooku."

"Nice to meet ya, Yan. Wanna see who gets across first?" I looked at the bars and watched as a auburn haired girl made it across. She was just as big as I and probably no older. If she could make it, I knew I could as well.

I had grinned at Lorian. "Yeah."

I remember thinking that being here might not be so bad. At least with the others. Master Naki, though, I could do without.

_"Initiate Dooku, it is time for your bath." The boy snapped his head in the direction his name was called._

"Oh no."

_He got up from his spot on the floor and ran off. A second later half of Master Naki is seen walking past the recorder. "I don't want a bath!"_

_"My goodness, I have never had so much trouble with a youngling until you came along."_

_"Then take me home!"_

_"I'm afraid I cannot send you back to your old home, Initiate. Now stop behaving like a wild child. What would your parents think of you if they saw you like this?"_

_There was silence and then Naki could be seen passing the recorder again. Dooku's feet dangled into view from where she held him in her arms._


	4. Chapter 4

**Year One - Day One-Eighty Six**

_Dooku scratches at a patch hidden underneath his arm as he sits quietly in front of the recorder. He looks flushed, like he's recently exerted himself by playing or something._

I got into a fight today with a boy with a ring of horns on his head. I don't know what he is, I've never seen his kind before. Anyway, he wouldn't stop teasing me about the exercises Master Sulla was trying to teach us today. I couldn't flip over side ways, my feet kept going the other way when I tried.

_He winces a little and turns his scratching to rubbing._

Stupid alien bit me on my arm. Now I can't ever do the flips until it heals. I'll show him though. I'll do the stupid flip better than him. Better than anyone!

_He frowns and examines the patch on his arm._

I overheard the other adults about the fight, about me. They said I have a lot of anger in me. Of course I'm angry! The boy wouldn't stop teasing me and they won't take me home. I've been here for almost a year now and I haven't made any friends and those who I have played with seem to tolerate me more than like me.

I find myself alone a lot.

I miss mom and dad.

I miss Mala.

I hate this place.

_"Learn to let go, you should," said someone who stepped into view as the young Dooku stared in surprise. He reached for the recorder to turn it off but Yoda stopped him gently with the tip of his gimmerstick. "Look upon this again in the future you may need."_

_Dooku wasn't sure what to say or do so he stayed quiet but timidly cast his head down._

_“Like many things you will not. Face these things a Jedi must, if he ever wishes to accomplish that which he sets out to do.”_

_“I don't want to be a Jedi,” Dooku protested quietly, daring to glare up at the old Jedi Master. “I want to go home.”_

_“Miss your family you do,” Yoda replied and with some effort he sat down beside the boy, his ears flattened slightly against his head, looking saddened. “Miss you they do also, but proud they are of you. Proud that you will become a Jedi.”_

_Dooku wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his good arm. “How would you know? Master Naki says I am to forget them. That they are no longer a part of my life.”_

_“Tsk, youngling. Master Yoda knows, because spoke to your father he did. Saddened to let you go, he was, but proud of your gift more so. Keeps in contact with the Order, your father does, so that he may know how well you are. Forgotten you are not and alone you most certainly are not.”_

_“Why can't I talk to him?”_

_“Miss him more you will,” Yoda explained and placed a clawed hand on the boy's shoulder. “Hinder your training it would. Ask you to forget them, Master Naki should not have, but let go you should.”_

_“But isn't that the same as forgetting?”_

_Yoda shook his head lightly._

_“Attached to your hair, are you not?” Dooku reached up to his spiky, short-cropped hair and shook his head. “But remember its old length you do?” The boy nodded. “But attached you are not, why?”_

_“It's just hair.”_

_“A part of you it still is. Miss it why do you not?”_

_Dooku frowned as he thought about it. After a moment he seemed to understand. “Because it will grow back eventually, so I shouldn't mourn something that really isn't lost.”_

_The small alien smiled but said nothing, waiting on the boy._

_Dooku continued, “I don't see how I am to let go of my parents.”_

_Yoda sighed softly and slowly climbed back to his feet. “Lost to you, your parents are not. Far away they may be, but always be there and love you they will. With that knowledge, young Dooku, learn to let go you can. Meditate on this you should.”_

_The boy looked down embarrassingly. “I'm not very good at meditating, Master.”_

_The Jedi Master chuckled softly and patted the top of the boy's head. “Nor was I when your age I was. Learn you will, that is why you are here.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Year Two – Day One Forty-Five**

_Dooku looks despondent, he's sitting on his cot at the head while the recorder apparently rested at the foot of it. He has a lightsaber hilt in his hands, small enough for his size but also large enough for him to still grow in to._

Today is my Naming Day. I didn't know until Master Naki gave me this and told me I am five years old now. She told me I am old enough to begin my lightsaber training. Master Yoda is suppose to teach the first year younglings and I'll admit that I am a little eager to learn. I have seen some of the other Jedi fighting each other in large rooms whenever I passed them on my way to lessons. I find watching them to be wizard.

_He presses a switch on the side and a gold blade snaps into existence and he stares at it, a little amazed before shutting it off._

It was suppose to be my Naming Day gift but it's not the same. Dad would have given me a toy model ship and some credits to buy some candy in town. Mom and Nana would have taken me into town so I could get new clothes for the party Dad would host. I remember the last one, there was this old woman there that wouldn't stop pinching my face and make stupid baby noises at me. I didn't like her, even told her once and she and my Dad found it funny. I didn't find my cheeks hurting funny.

I still miss them, but not as much. I've come to accept that I will never get to go home, but I promised myself I would never forget home. One day, when I am a Knight, I will go home and the Jedi cannot tell me no. Master Cerulian says becoming a Knight is like coming of age for a Jedi, I can do almost anything I want then.

I will be a Jedi when I return home. I won't make Dad disappointed.

_He fiddles with the lightsaber in his hands, flipping it over and over before letting it settle between his small palms and gripping it firmly, as if he was making the same vow again but silently to himself. He reached for the recorder then and his hologram disappears._


	6. Chapter 6

**Year Two - Day 162**

Today was great!

_A grin wider than Coruscant's crescent moon was plastered on his face, excitement in his eyes while Dooku carried the recorder across his room._

I got to start lightsaber moves and showed up that stupid horned alien, Denton. I can do the katas better and faster than him. He couldn't without hitting himself with the blade. Watch!

_Dooku laughed before he stepped away with his training saber and began swinging it a little clumsily as he goes through the Shii-Cho katas, but not once does he hit himself with it. The grin is still plastered on his face before he breaks the routine and starts a fight with an imaginary foe. His swings become wild and irregular until he abruptly stops with the gold blade in front of him, pointed at his enemy._

_"You are defeated, Sith! Give up or be stabbed! Never? So be it, evil chubba!" Dooku thrusts forward and then feigns being hit by the_ evil Sith Lord _. "Ahh! You will pay for that!"_

_A triumphant smirk crosses his face as he stabs at the floor and then lifts the blade up in victory._

_"Victorious, Master Dooku is, yes?" commented the voice of an amused Yoda. The old troll steps into view of the recorder, smiling as Dooku recovers from nearly dropping the weapon. "Defeated the evil Sith he has."_

_"I um..." the boy looks embarrassed at being caught playing make believe. Yoda chuckles softly and gently pats him on the arm._

_"Embarrassed you should not be, young one. Healthy for the mind it is to imagine." The Jedi Master sat down on the boy's cot and Dooku shifted on his feet uncomfortably._

_"I was just practicing, Master Yoda, and got carried away."_

_"Let old Yoda disturb your war with the Sith, you should not. How well Master Dooku welds a lightsaber, heard this I have and wish to see this I do." The boy takes a moment to consider the Master's request before he nods. He steps back and goes through the katas he had learned for the day. His motions are clumsy, but there is an intense look of concentration on his face._

_He goes through the motions one more time before adding a few swings that were not Shii-Cho, but resembled the unpredictable swings of Ataru and a block very much from Soresu. Dooku ended the routine with a over head chop from Djem So, panting from the exertion._

_"Hmm, learned these other katas from Master Vil'skar you have not?" asked the small alien. Dooku shook his head._

_"I... I watch the others sometimes. Should I not have?"_

_Yoda hopped down from the cot and came over to the uncertain boy. "Impressed old Yoda, you have. Not every day does an Initiate learn from seeing. Very impressed, yes. A thing or two, might have to teach you."_

_The boy brightened a little. "You would teach me?"_

_"Speak with Master Vil'skar, I will. Until then, believe your Sith Lord is getting up he is." Yoda chuckled softly as he stepped away and left a shocked Dooku standing there. After a moment he turns to the recorder._

Did you hear that? Master Yoda is going to teach me! Me! Denton can't make fun of me now. He can have his stupid flips, I'll be the best lightsaber master there is!

_He goes back to practicing for a bit before he falls back into fighting the Sith. For the first time since he arrived at the Temple, he was genuinely smiling._


	7. Chapter 7

**Year Two – Day 170**

_The scenery is different this time. Instead of the cot and spartan room that was Dooku's personal bedroom, the area is open with mats on the floor and benches along the wall. Training equipment also adorn the walls beneath the large, elongated windows that illuminated the chamber. In the center of the room is Master Yoda waiting on the boy as he finishes setting up the recorder._

_Dooku talks in a quiet whisper, giving Yoda a furtive glance._

Master Yoda kept his promise and is going to train me in lightsaber techniques. I am eager to learn and glad for the privacy. I'm the only one here, so I don't have to listen to Denton make fun of me. Not like he could without making himself look stupid anyway. He still cannot do the katas right.

_“Have all day, Master Yoda does not,” commented the little master with amusement rather than impatience. Dooku finishes with the recorder and quickly trots over to stand off to the side and waits for the Jedi Master to begin._

_“Your life, your lightsaber is,” began the venerable master, his green weapon ignited and slowly weaving a pattern through the air. In his other hand is a spherical object. “An extension of your arm as well as who you are. Revere the weapon you should, for it will serve you well. Dishonor it and dishonor yourself you do. Understand what I say, do you Dooku?”_

_The boy nodded as he examined the practice saber he had been given on his Naming Day. “I think so, Master.”_

_“Then begin your training we shall.” Yoda disengaged his weapon and returned it to his side before pressing something on the sphere. He tossed it into the air and immediately it began to float with a hiss. “A remote, this is. Teach you how to defend yourself, it will. Control your anger, you will learn too.”_

_“I thought you were going to teach me how to use this?” Dooku raised the unignited weapon._

_“Teach you, I am. Essential control is. Without it, cut an arm or leg off you would.” Yoda smiled a little as he gestured at the boy. “Face your Sith Lord you would not be able to then, yes?”_

_Dooku scowled a little but nodded and ignited the gold blade of his saber. The remote responded immediately to the threat and began hovering around him, jerking back and forth and spinning on its axis as if it were looking for the perfect spot to attack. “What do I do?”_

_“Feel in the Force the remote, let go of your emotions and guide you the Force will.”_

_The remote suddenly attacked, its ruby bolt stinging the boy on the hand. Dooku bit his lip to stifle the cry he wanted to express. He would not cry, not in front of Master Yoda. His face turns to a look of deep concentration as his dark eyes follow the remote. Yoda hobbles over and closer to the recorder and sits down next to it while he watches his new student._

Proud you are, Initiate Dooku. Angry too, you are. So much pride and anger, for so young of a mind. Wonder I do, what has shaped you this way. Know you were old, older than most children who come here. Know you remember of home, I do, and know you still wish to go home. But home the Temple is for you now. For taking you away, angry at old Yoda you are not. So where comes from this anger does? Hmm.

_“Ow!” came a cry from Dooku and he retaliates against the remote and tries to hack at it. The remote deftly avoids his strike and zaps him in the rear. Smarting and rubbing his sore behind, the boy glares at the thing offending him so much._

_“Let go, youngling. No place does your anger have. Only cloud your mind and unbalance you it will.”_

_“I can't do it, Master,” said a defeated Dooku, disengaging his weapon and looking over at the green alien. He's trying his best not to look upset or break out crying. Yoda stood up and stepped out of sight of the recorder. The sound of his cane echoing grew fainter before it stopped and then grew louder again as he returned into view with something in his hand._

_“See too much, you do,” the master said and placed a visor shielded helm over the boy's head. “See you shall no more.”_

_“But how am I suppose to fight if I cannot see?”_

_“Deceive you, your eyes do. Learn to trust them, you shall not. Let the Force guide this time. Again, youngling.” Yoda stepped back and out of the way, but not far, as Dooku hesitantly reignited the lightsaber. The remote hovered once more and again it scored twice more against the boy._

_A curse he should not have learned at so young of an age escaped his lips. “Learn such language you have, Yoda knows not how. Teach you better etiquette, I will.”_

_“Sorry, Master,” Dooku said distractedly. The remote struck him again and his grip on the lightsaber hilt tightened for a few seconds before he relaxed. His posture loosened and Yoda smiled, easily recognizing the signs as the boy let go of his anger finally. As soon as he did, the gold blade was a blur as Dooku brought it around in time to block the next two shots._

_“I did it! Ow!” A third shot nipped him in the arm and Dooku rubbed at it. “No fair!”_

_“Fair, the remote is. Distracted you were, took a shot it did.” Yoda chuckled from where he stood, leaning against his cane. “But did well you have. Repeat it again you shall until you block all the shots.”_

_“Yes, Master Yoda.”_

_Dooku grinned under the helm as he faced the remote again. The recorder continued to document his lesson over the next hour, capturing Dooku missing and succeeding until he did what Yoda wanted him to do and it wasn't blocking all the shots. When it was over and Yoda stepped out to let the boy gather his things before he would return him to the creche, Dooku looked tired and sore as he approached the recorder._

That was fun, even if it did hurt a little.

_He rubbed at his right hand where the remote seemed to have taken pleasure in striking at him the most._

It took me a while to see what Master Yoda wanted me to do, but I learned it. I think. I could see the remote even though the helmet blinded me. It was just _there_ and I could... I could _feel_ when it was going to shoot again and from where. When I wasn't angry at it that is. I mean, as soon as I stopped being angry, I could do it. Block the shots, that is.

_He reaches down to pick up the recorder and the scene jostles about as he lifts it._

Master Yoda says I won't move to the katas of Shii-Cho again until he feels I am ready. He says I have to work on my control first. I don't understand why, I could do the katas easily enough. I have no trouble controlling the lightsaber.

_He's thoughtful for a moment._

Maybe he wants me to control my anger first? I did say I couldn't do the lesson when I was angry.

_Dooku purses his lips before he shuts the recorder off._


	8. Chapter 8

**Year Two – Day 180A**

_Dooku is upset. He looks like he has been crying as he wipes at his nose with the sleeve of his tunic. He takes a staggering deep breath before he finds his voice._

Denton and I fought again. We were practicing flips and jumping today. I have gotten better at flipping, but not as good as the horned freak.

_He sniffles and looks down at his hands, ashamed._

He called me 'Yoda's pet' while we waited for Master Sulla to finish showing the older students how to jump the horse bar. I tried to ignore him and not get angry at him. Master Yoda says my temper is improving but I still have a long way to go. But how can I control it when stupid Denton makes fun of me? I am not Yoda's pet! Just because he teaches me himself doesn't mean I am terrible at being a Jedi.

_He looks away uncertainly for a moment before scowling darkly._

I'm not a failure! Master Yoda praised me and continues to praise me! Denton is wrong and I told him as much. At least I don't hit myself with the lightsaber every time. He didn't like me reminding him of that, so he pushed me. I pushed back and the next thing I knew we were wrestling on the mats. Master Sulla broke us up but not before I used my practice saber against Denton.

_Dooku looks crestfallen now._

Master Sulla took it away from me. I thought she was angry at me but looking back now, she seemed more disappointed in me than angry. I messed up, I know I did. Master Yoda said I should respect the lightsaber and I didn't. I... I used it out of anger. He probably won't teach me anymore now.

_He wipes at his nose again with the sleeve of his tunic._

I will make things right. I will show Master Yoda and Master Sulla that I _can_ control my anger. I won't let it get the better of me again. I won't use my lightsaber to hurt someone again. I won't let Denton get at me again! I promise! I promise! I want to make Master Yoda proud of me... I want my lightsaber back. I want... I want...

_Dooku hiccups and then gets up, too upset to continue, before running out of the room. The recorder shuts off after a minute._

* * *

**Year Two – Day 180B**

_Dooku sits down in front of the recorder. He seems different somehow. He doesn't look as upset as before and the chrono times this entry several hours after the last one. The hologram seems distorted a bit before it clears. Occasionally, the image flickers and the audio fades as if the file had been deleted and someone had managed to mostly recover it._

Master Yoda found where I went hiding when Master Naki couldn't find me. I ran to the huge garden, the one with the waterfalls and streams. I had hid myself in a cave behind the biggest waterfall. It was cold inside and a little wet, but I didn't care. All I could think about was how I failed Master Yoda and my parents and how much I hate Denton. I was certain that the Jedi would send me home now, but I find that I don't want to go back home. Not like this anyway.

Master Yoda wasn't angry with me like I thought he would be. He had my lightsaber with him but didn't give it back yet. He seemed more saddened then angry, disappointed for sure. But he didn't yell at me or lecture right away. He simply sat down beside me where I rested with my knees to my chest.

“Why so upset are you?” he had asked me.

I shamefully looked away from him. “Denton got what he wanted.”

“That would be what, youngling?”

“You won't want to train me now.” I was certain that I would be sent back home this time. It was what I wanted ever since I first came here. But now when I feel that I will get what I want, I find that I do not want it. I have come to like being here and although I do not like some of the adults, I would miss the other kids in my clan, especially the few that I have made friends with. Here I can play and get dirty, I can do things I know my mother would not approve of...

_He frowned slightly as he tries to remember something before shaking his head and continuing._

Master Yoda reassured me that he wasn't going to stop training me because I had gotten into a fight with Denton again. He showed me my lightsaber when he lectured to me about what I had done with it.

“Your life, this weapon is. It is to be used in defense, never for attack and never in anger. Dishonor it you have by striking at Denton with it,” he had told me in a gentle voice. I knew he was being kind to me for a reason. I was upset and his more stricter tone would simply have upset me more.

“I was defending myself,” I had dared to argue but Yoda shook his head in disagreement.

“Defend yourself you may have, but done so in anger. Wanted to hurt the boy you did.”

“What was I suppose to do then?” I met his gaze questioningly. I wasn't sure what I should have done. Denton was bigger than me and older and I couldn't beat him with my own strength. I wasn't going to let him beat me up either.

“Into the Force, let go of your emotions you should. Fear leads to anger, anger to hate, and hate to suffering. Afraid you were, of being beaten by Denton and your fear led to your anger. Angry you were at being picked on by him again and your anger led to your hate. Hate him you do for bullying you and your hate led him to suffer. Suffer the boy now does as he sits in the Healers Ward for burns caused by your weapon. Understand do you, Dooku?”

“He deserved it,” I stubbornly sniffed in reply and was rewarded with a smack on my knee with his cane. I had rubbed at the sore spot and glared at him. “What was that for?”

“Deserve it he does or not, matters not. About you and your anger this is.” Yoda gave me a stern look and I knew he was not happy with my choice of words. “Chose to hurt him you do. Chosen differently you could have. Simply to stop the fight was a choice to you, but took the easy path you had instead. Why?”

I remember hesitating in answering him. I don't remember why though. All I remember is that it has something to do with my mother. I remember crying again and Master Yoda stroking my head, telling me to let go. I felt something in my mind. He...

_Dooku stops talking and stares at the recorder a little blankly. He reaches up to rub at his eyes and blinks before his image suddenly distorts and disappears to be replaced by blinking red words:_

**_FILE DATA CORRUPT._ **

**_ATTEMPT RECOVERY: YES/NO?_ **


	9. Chapter 9

**Year Three – Day 30**

_Dooku is sitting on his cot. On the floor are several pebbles and he looks deeply lost in concentration. Soon one of the pebbles starts to shudder as some unknown force tries to grasp on to it. Slowly it begins to lift off the ground and as it does, a smile appears on the boy's face. Just as he allowed the emotion, the pebble clatters back to the floor. He frowns at the recorder._

Dang it! I almost had it this time! I've been learning how to grab things with the Force and even push things with it. Its really weird how I can touch something without actually touching it. Master Yoda has been teaching us. I'm told he teaches all of the Initiates how to use the Force directly and I look forward to learning from him. Speaking of learning, my lightsaber lessons with him have been tiring but fun. He's been teaching me Form I, Shii-Cho, now that I've managed to defeat the remote more times than it defeats me.

_He smiles proudly._

I've been watching the other lightsaber instructors to see what other styles there are and there is one that I like. I don't know what it is called but the Jedi who uses it has never lost a fight. He doesn't move around a lot but I suppose that's a given considering his age. He's old but not older than Master Yoda. I don't think anyone can be older than him. Anyway, this Jedi I've seen him before but I don't remember his name. He was bald the last time I saw him, I think.

 _Dooku looks thoughtful as he tries to remember the name of the Jedi he was describing._ _He shakes his head after a moment and continues talking about the lightsaber technique the man was utilizing._

He seems to make his opponents move where he wants them to without putting forth much effort on his part. I want to learn his style and I'm gonna ask Master Yoda tomorrow what it is and see if he'll teach it to me.

* * *

**Year Three – Day 31**

_Dooku looks disappointed but not upset._

I asked Master Yoda this morning what lightsaber style that old Jedi uses and he told me that I was not ready for it. He said that if I learned it now, it would do more harm to my training than good. I don't see how it would. It didn't seem to affect Master Cerulian—that's who Yoda says he is—one bit when he sparred with the other Jedi. Maybe if I go to him he will teach me?

* * *

**Year Three – Day 40**

Master Cerulian said he would be honored but not until I was older. I asked why and he told me because Makashi, that's what he called it, took discipline of the kind that a youngling such as myself would not have and won't have until I became a padawan. He said if I make it to an apprenticeship to come seek him out and he would teach me. I will hold him to it.

_Dooku grins and turns off the recorder._


	10. Chapter 10

**Year Three – Day 101**

_The boy is standing, the pebbles he had first practiced telekinesis on are floating freely in front of him, a smile on his face. He makes them dance in the air before gently settling them back on the ground._

I've learned how to grab and hold things in the Force. Master Yoda had to trick me into doing it. Though it wasn't a mean trick. Still, it taught me what I needed to learn to do it.

_He lifts up the pebbles again and as he holds them, he continues to talk about the lesson._

You see there were these stone bricks he wanted us to lift and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't do it. Some of the other Initiates could do it with some difficulty but I couldn't get one to even budge. I didn't understand why. I could lift these pebbles easily enough.

I was becoming frustrated and upset and Master Yoda came over to me. He then asked me to lift this large, empty pot that was off to the side. I think Master Yoda called it an urn, I don't remember exactly. Anyway, he told me to lift it and so I did. Then he told me to go and pick it up and I couldn't. The darn thing was too heavy for me!

He asked me why I could lift the heavy pot when I couldn't lift the bricks. I told him the bricks were heavy. He said the pot was also heavy yet I could lift it with the Force.

“Why could you, Dooku?” he had asked me again and I thought about it.

“Because I thought it was lighter than the bricks,” I had replied and he smiled at me. That's when I realized my mistake. Because I had believed the bricks to be heavy, I couldn't lift them. But when I believed the pot to be lighter, even though it really wasn't, I could do it. He had me do another attempt on the bricks and with what I learned, I imagined them to be as light as these pebbles.

_The pebbles swirled around a bit in front of him. He was grinning._

The bricks rose up off the ground and I held them there for a few seconds before I had to let go. Although I can do it, I can't do it for long. Which fracking sucks!

_“Dooku!” The pebbles suddenly drop to the floor with a clattering thud as the boy is startled. “How many times must I tell you that we do not speak such language?” Master Naki has come into view and Dooku is holding his head down._

_“I'm sorry, Master.”_

_“Now where did you learn that word?” Her tone is lighter, more understanding as she kneels in front of him and Dooku furrows his brow at the question. This is the first time Naki has been seen. She is human, dark skinned with dark eyes and braided hair. She is also rather young, but old enough to have the wisdom borne from years of raising children._

_“Um... Master Yoda?” It was obvious he was lying and she gave him a look for it. He defiantly met her gaze for a few moments before caving in to what has been deemed by the other younglings as_ The Sith Look. _“One of the workers who was fixing the pipes in the refectory a while back. Something broke as he was fixing it and he said 'Frack”.”_

_Naki shook her head lightly, the dark braids gently brushing across her shoulders as she did. “We must not go around repeating everything we hear, youngling. Now, finish up with your journal and get cleaned up. The clan will be leaving for supper in a few minutes.”_

_“Yes, Master Naki.” Dooku waited for her to leave before he turned to the recorder. He looks irritated rather than angry._

I hate it when she does that. I know we can't exactly keep things to ourselves since we all pretty much share the same room, but she could at least let me know she was there.

_He sighs softly and takes a deep breath before letting it out. His stomach growls and he glares down at it._

I guess I'll continue this later when no one can drop in unexpectedly again and I'm not hungry.


	11. Chapter 11

**Year Three – Day 122**

_Dooku's left arm is in a sling and he is sitting in a medical bed. He sniffs when he shifts the arm a little. It apparently hurts... a lot._

Something terrible happened today in the Temple. I can still feel the shock from the other Jedi, so I know it wasn't suppose to happen or at least it is not something that happens often.

_He looks around warily before leaning closer to the recorder, his voice dropping to a whisper._

I'm not suppose to mention this, but a Jedi lost it and killed another Jedi. I saw it happen. It happened in one of the sparring arenas. A Master and a Padawan were dueling. After my lessons I would go watch the others spar, sometimes with others from the clan. But this time I went alone and I wish I hadn't or maybe it was good that I had cause I don't know what he would have done had there been more of us.

_Dooku glances a little fearfully to the side at the sound of something dropping. A woman is heard behind the divider separating his room from the other room as she quietly complains._

The two Jedi had been sparring for a while and the Master was talking to the Padawan about something the boy had done on their last mission. It seemed to anger the Padawan and he accused the Master of not understanding. The argument quickly deteriorated into a real fight. I was up above in the viewing area, where other Jedi could observe matches on the ground, you know. I was glad too because they started flinging things at each other with the Force and I was certain that if I had been down there, they might have used me too!

The Master was holding his own against the Padawan and was trying to talk the boy into calming down, but he wouldn't listen or he didn't want to. He seemed to get stronger and the Master was getting more tired as the fight drew out. I don't understand why no one else came in to put a stop to it. I know Master Yoda would have had he been on-world at the time. I was the only one present and they both seemed unaware that I was there. I knew if something wasn't done, bad things would happen.

I shouted down to them, “Stop! Stop it!”

I shouldn't have though. The Master looked up in surprise at seeing me there and the angry Padawan took advantage of his distraction. His surprise turned to pain from the Padawan's blue lightsaber piercing his body.

“No!” I had cried. The Master slipped to the floor and the boy stabbed his weapon down into him a second time before looking up at me. I backpedaled from the railing just as he leapt to me. I tried to get away but he caught me in the Force and dragged me to him. I … I... never have been more afraid of anything before like I was of him at that moment. I didn't want to die and I tried to get out of his grip but he held on tighter.

He twisted my arm behind me so hard I heard and felt something tear. The Padawan kept a hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming before whispering coldly to me. “If anyone asks, you say nothing, Initiate.”

I felt him straighten when the sound of voices could be heard below. He warned me to be quiet or else before he quickly fled the area. I stayed quiet for as long as I could but the pain in my arm was too much and I started crying. The others heard me and found me amongst the benches holding my arm. Master Cerulian was among the Jedi that came to see what had happened and found me first. He took me in his arms and told me it would be alright.

But how could it? A master was dead and my arm was broken and I know that if I said anything that Padawan would come back and hurt me some more! Master Cerulian tried to ask me what had happened but I just shook my head and held on to him. I think he knows I had witnessed the whole thing. I wish I could tell him.

_The boy looks down and fiddles with the thin wraps poking out from under the sling. He sniffles a little more before changing the subject._

Healer Ioyna says my arm isn't broken, it is just very sore from having been twisted wrong. She said my muscles and tendons have been over-stretched and a few days of bacta treatment will have them feeling good as new again. I hope so. I think I will miss my lessons with Master Yoda but after what happened today, I'm not so sure I want to learn now.

_Dooku looks uncertain before laying back in the bed. He would have continued except that Healer Ioyna entered the room with a small tray of food. She set it down beside the bed and smiled at the boy. She was young, recently Knighted from the looks of it, a slight stub of hair where the braid would have been was neatly hidden behind her loose and dark hairstyle. She was mildly good looking, but nothing to die for and seemed to prefer the simple robes of the Healers._

_“How are you feeling?” she asked him, smiling warmly._

_“It hurts.”_

_“I know, but the pain will soon pass in a few days.”_

_“Can I go back to the creche?”_

_Ioyna shook her head lightly. “I'm afraid you will have to stay here for observation.” She glances at the recorder in his lap. “Is that yours?” Dooku grabs for it but she stills him with a gentle hand on his arms. “No, no. I won't take it, I promise. Is it for an assignment?”_

_Dooku shook his head. “I... Its my journal.”_

_“Is it now? Anything interesting on it? Maybe a girl you like?” she was teasing him and Dooku made a face at the mentioning of liking a girl._

_“Eww, girls are yucky! Why would I talk about one on_ my _journal?” Ioyna laughed softly at his response but gives the journal an interested glance before he turns it off._


	12. Chapter 12

**Year Three – Day 122B**

_Dooku yawns tiredly. He is still in the medical ward, laying in his bed. The timestamp shows this entry a few hours after Ioyna had brought him his dinner. He should be asleep at this hour._

There is talk about what had happened. Master Corran Halcyon came in to ask me questions about it. He told me he had been brought in to investigate since he worked closely with the Corellian Security Forces back on his homeworld and was the best choice. He was kind about it but I didn't understand why he was asking. I thought Jedi were suppose to know everything that happens in the Temple. He didn't tell me anything and I refused to answer his questions. He seemed to understand and told me that everything would turn out alright.

_Dooku yawns again and shakes his head, trying to fight sleep._

I heard him talking to Master Cerulian and what sounded like Master Yoda over a holocom while they thought I was sleeping. They mentioned something about recordings having been deleted from the databanks and that I know who did it but won't talk. Master Cerulian said that I must have been intimidated into keeping quiet. Then I heard Master Yoda mention my journal. He thinks that I might have mentioned what happened on it and that they should take a look. I hope they don't because if they find out _he_ did it, he'll come for me. I just know it.

_The boy glances over to the door to his room when he heard someone passing by. He takes the recorder and hides it under the covers, using his own body to make a tent out of the blankets._

I won't let them but I'm not sure how to hide this from them. They know I have it and they could take it from me easily if they wanted to. I know I should. Maybe if I _let_ them take a look, he can't say I told them. From a certain point of view, I didn't tell any of them. They would find out from snooping.

_He rubs at his eyes and resists yawning a third time._

I should get some sleep like Healer Ioyna told me to. But I'm afraid he'll come. I have a bad feeling about this whole thing. I wish I was back in the creche with the others. I know I would be safer there with the clan around me. He wouldn't hurt us all to get to me, right?

_He bites his lower lip uncertainly._

I wouldn't want him to hurt Lor or Jo. They're my friends, sorta. They don't tease me at least. I know Jo would tell the adults what had happened had it been her. She's like that, not afraid to stand up for herself. I'm not either but... the Padawan, he felt... cold when he hurt me. I've seen Jedi angry before but not like him. It was like he couldn't control it or didn't want to. The other Jedi, they're angry for a brief moment before they let go of it into the Force like we're suppose to. This one, it's like he was holding it in, relishing in it even.

I don't ever want to feel that again.

_He falls back onto the pillow, the blanket covering the recorder before he pushes it off. He's really struggling to stay awake now and it's a losing battle._

So tired...

_He falls asleep. The fear melts away as the peace of sleep takes over. The recorder shuts down as someone enters a few moments later._


	13. Chapter 13

**Year Three – Day 123A**

_Dooku isn't alone while he eats his breakfast. A young red-headed girl and a blonde boy are with him. The girl looks a year older than him but the boy appears to be about the same age as Dooku. The boy is holding the recorder out of Dooku's reach, who is sitting on the bed scowling at him._

I'm Lorian and Yan is being a baby. He wants his recorder back.

_“I am not being a baby!” protested Dooku._

_“Lor, give it back to him,” the girl ordered. She came into view to try and take it back from Lorian. He holds it out of her reach and a good view of the ceiling is seen. “Come on, quit being mean. We're suppose to be visiting.”_

_“I'm not being mean,” protested the blonde. “I'm just playing around. See?” He comes back into view, but the angle is from above his head looking down. Apparently he's trying to keep it away from the girl while talking into it._

That was Jocasta. She's a bit bossy.

_The recorder shifts view as he turns it to her. Jocasta is wearing her version of Naki's 'Sith Look' while holding her arms across her chest._

We're visiting Yan after we heard he had gotten hurt. Master Naki was reluctant in letting us, but Jo persuaded her saying it would be good for him to have company.

 _“If I knew you were going to take my recorder I would have told Healer Ioyna not to let_ you _in, Lor._

_“Gasp! You would prefer Jo's company over mine?” Lor teased._

_“Maybe. At least she doesn't tease me,” Dooku quietly answered and the camera-view changed to him. His scowl lessened when he glanced at Jocasta before returning when his gaze went back to Lorian._

_“Ooo. Yan and Jo, swinging in a wroshyr tree, K-I-S-S... Ow! That hurt, Jo!” The recorder's view suddenly changes again as Jocasta manages to take it from Lorian. The recorder ends up lopsided in front of Dooku. He reaches for it and turns it upright, giving Jocasta a grateful look._

I want to correct what I said last night. Lor does tease me, Jo doesn't.

_“I-N-G! First comes loooove.”_

_“Lor!”_

_“Ha ha! Bet you can't catch me!”_

_Dooku rolls his eyes and turns the recorder around so it catches Jocasta chasing Lorian around the room. He leans into view, he's amused._

It's funny seeing Lor getting beat up by Jo. She's smaller than him but that doesn't stop her from winning. I've lost a couple playful scuffles with her.

_“Then comes forbidden marriage!” Lorian scrambles over Dooku's bed, jostling the recorder. Jocasta doesn't follow, rather instead she goes around. Lor goes under the bed just before she can reach him. “Then the Jedi baby in the Jedi ...! Ack!”_

_“Got you!”_

_“Yan, help!”_

_“No. You started it, you finish it!” Dooku smirked. He raises the recorder over the edge of the bed so it can see Jocasta pinning Lorian, his arm behind his back._

_“Ack! I yield!”_

_“Say you're sorry!”_

_“Jo...” Dooku can be heard. “Stop...”_

_She looks up at him, his tone no longer amused. “Why? He hasn't...”_

_“Please.”_

_“Okay.” She seems to sense something wrong and lets go of Lorian and the boy gets up, dusting himself off. Lorian seems oblivious of what had just happened and gives Dooku a lopsided grin._

_“Thanks, Yan.”_

_The recorder is set on the bed but falls over onto its side, catching a view of all three of them. Dooku looks upset, but is hiding it rather well._

_“Maybe we should go,” Jocasta suggests and the dark-haired boy shakes his head in reply._

_“No, stay. Just... no more wrestling, okay?”_

_“Sure thing,” Lorian answered and climbs onto the bed. He grabs the recorder again. “I'll give it back, promise.”_

So where was I... oh yeah! Jocasta is bossy.

_“Lor...” the girl warns. Lorian grins nervously before adding:_

But she can be nice too... when she wants to be. Master Naki gave us permission to see Yan before our lessons. As I said, we had heard he had gotten hurt and Jo convinced our creche-master to let us visit. So here we are, visiting. He sprained his arm but won't say how he had done it. Though I did manage to worm out of him that he had hurt it in the viewing salon of one of the arenas.

_“Can't talk about it anyway,” muttered Dooku, warily._

_“Why not?” asked Jocasta._

_“Was told not to.”_

_“Why? You just sprained your arm, it's no biggie. Right?” Lorian gave him a suspicious look. “It doesn't have anything to do with what happened in the other sparring arena does it? Hey... you weren't in_ that _viewing salon were you?”_

_“I...” Dooku hesitated and glanced to Jocasta for help._

_“Lorian, we should go.”_

_The blonde boy ignored her as he pressed Dooku. “You were! What did you see! What happened? Did the murderer hurt you? He did, didn't he? That's why your arm is broken! Sithspit, if I could I would...”_

_“NO!” Dooku exploded and grabbed the recorder from his friend. “You won't do anything! Forget I mentioned anything,_ please _.”_

_Lorian and Jocasta exchanged looks. She approached Dooku and placed a hand over his good one. “Yan, you should tell the masters. If they can catch him, he can't hurt you or us.”_

_Dooku looks away angrily. “I know that! But... you, he... You weren't there when he jumped up and hurt me. He told me not to say a word to anyone or he'll come back. I believe him. He... he felt cold, colder than the refectory freezers. He's worse than Denton! A lot worse!”_

_“Who is he?” Lorian inquired. “We can tell the masters for you.”_

_“He's...” Dooku shook his head heavily. “No... I can't. He's a Jedi. He'll know.”_

_“Jedi don't murder Jedi, Yan.” The boy reminded and Dooku sighed oppressively. “Did you tell this thing?” The recorder changed hands again when Lorian took it back. A good view of his freckled face fills up the image as he fiddles with the device._

_“Give it back!”_

_“You did tell it.” The image shifts to show the rest of the room as Lorian hops off the bed and heads for the door with it. “The masters should be told, Yan!”_

_“No, Lorian, don't!” Dooku can be seen scrambling out of the bed but before he can get all the way out, the door opens up to reveal Healer Ioyna standing there, frowning at the commotion that was going on._

_“What is going on? Initiate Dooku, you shouldn't be out of your bed.”_

_“Lor took my holo-recorder,” protested the boy as he climbs back under the covers. Ioyna looks to Lorian and holds out a hand for it._

_“He told it what happened, Master.”_

_“We know, youngling.”_

_“You do?” Dooku exclaimed panicky as Ioyna returned the recorder to him._

_“Yes. Master Halcyon listened to the security footage of this room when you made the entry. We know who is responsible now and rest assured he won't be bothering you anymore. Master Cerulian has volunteered to watch over you until he's caught.”_

_Relief seems to fill Dooku's face for a moment before worry etches its way across. “He killed him... Why?”_

_“I think that would be best left to a Mind Healer explaining that to you, youngling.” She took the device from him and set it down on the nightstand and just before she turned it off: “After this ordeal is over. For now, you rest and you two... please do not aggravate him further or I'll ask you to leave.”_

_“We won't,” replied the two younglings in unison._


	14. Chapter 14

**Year Three – Day 123B**

_Something is terribly wrong. The camera view is askew and partially blocked by a rolling cabinet. What can be seen, however, is a terrified boy being held by an angry Padawan. A hand covered the boy's mouth while the other held an unlit lightsaber next to his body while the same arm holds him in a tight grip._

_“Let the boy go, E'lan,” commanded the third figure in the scene. His emerald lightsaber was lit and bathed the darkened medical room in an eerie viridian glow. It was Master Cerulian and his old features held a restrained, righteous fury at the audacity of the Padawan. He was also blocking the only way out of the room. “It is over.”_

_“No! You will let me pass, old man!” spat the Padawan. “I swear I will hurt him if you don't!”_

_Dooku struggles in the Padwan's grip and whimpers beneath his hand when he tightens his arm grip, squeezing the injured arm inadvertently. The boy's eyes are angry and frightened and seem to plead to Cerulian for help._

_“You don't want to hurt him for something he didn't do, boy,” warned the older master. The Padawan glowered darkly at him._

_“He told all of you what had happened, I warned him what I would do if he did!”_

_“He said nothing, E'lan. We found out on our own despite your attempts to hide it.”_

_“How?” E'lan inquired venomously. “How could you! I played my part of a mourning student, I erased the recordings! I made sure the only witness didn't say a word!”_

_“You failed to preconceive that perhaps the boy would make his own recording,” Cerulian replied, pointing the tip of his blade in the Padawan's direction. “To cope with what he had seen. He told no one but his own journal.”_

_“You lie!” Tears brimmed in Dooku's eyes and Cerulian narrowed his eyes._

_“Dooku,” calmly said the Jedi Master, the fury replaced with a determined serenity. “Remember the first time we met?” Dooku nodded as best he could while being held. “How you didn't want Master Ik'e to take your hair and what you did to prevent it? Now would be a good time to behave that way again, youngling.”_

_“What are you talk....ahh!” The Padawan dropped Dooku when the boy had bitten into his hand as hard as he could. Before the youngling could climb to his feet to get away, an unseen force propelled him away from the murderous Jedi just before the blue blade came to life and slashed down where Dooku had been. Dooku clung to Cerulian's robes from behind him as the Padawan recovered, angered at losing his bargaining chip._

_“Run, boy! Go get help!” yelled Cerulian as he lunged forward and met the Padawan's angry strikes. Dooku was last seen running out of the room just before something hit the holo-recorder and static replaced the scene._

* * *

**Year Three – Day 125**

_Dooku is no longer in the medical ward, but back in the creche with his clanmates. Lorian and Jocasta are with him as are a couple other younglings. Apparently they all had heard of his misadventure and wanted to hear more from him. It is Jocasta who shoos them all away, including Lorian, to give the boy some privacy. Once they were all gone, Dooku turns to the recorder._

The murderer is dead. Master Cerulian killed him back in my room after I had fled to get help. I'm glad it is over, but I still cannot sleep. I keep having this feeling that he'll come back somehow. Master Naki says its natural for me to be like this and a Mind Healer can help me adjust. I'm to see one later this evening. I'm not sure what to expect though. Healer Ioyna says a Mind Healer's talent is to see what bothers a Jedi and tries to find a solution to help them resolve it. Sometimes, she says, they will use the Force to heal the wound in the spirit. I don't really understand it all but she says it can help me cope and let go of what happened.

_He pauses and casts his eyes down to his hands. His arm is still in a sling but there is a bit more mobility to it than before. His fingers fiddle with the ends of his tabard._

I killed him, you know. The Jedi Master who's padawan turned against. If I hadn't said a word, he wouldn't have gotten distracted. It's my fault. All my fault. I'm suppose to be a Jedi and help people and all I wanted was for them to stop fighting. Instead I get the master killed and... and... if I hadn't said anything to this stupid thing, the masters wouldn’t have found out that it was the Padawan and he would be alive too and getting help. He wouldn't have wanted to punish me for talking.

_He grows angry quickly and gets up off the floor to pace around his room._

Its their fault he came back! If they hadn't listened in on me when I spoke to my journal, he wouldn't have come back! They would have caught him later and he'd be alive!

_Dooku kicks a piece of machinery he apparently had been working on before the whole incident. It clanked and clunked across the floor, dropping a few screws and bolts along the way. After a moment, he calms down with a shuddering breath before dropping to the floor where he was a few feet away from the recorder._

_He wipes at his eyes with his free hand._

I see them in my sleep. They are fighting. The master looks at me, pleading me to go away. Then I see the Padawan accusing me of killing him and his master and he comes at me. Master Cerulian is there to stop him, pulling me away in time. I don't know what to do to make them all stop. If only I had been stronger...

_“They might be alive,” he barely whispers loud enough for the recorder to pick up._


	15. Chapter 15

**Year Three – Day 130**

_Dooku is not in the creche or the Healer's Ward, nor is this entry being recorded by his holo-recorder. It seems to be a security entry or a medical entry that was added to Dooku's recorder in place of another entry that was missing. It was added at a date years from the one displayed on the video, after the re-emergence of the Jedi in fact._

_The perspective is from an angle above the two sole occupants. He's in what appears to be a meditation chamber, dimly lit and furnished with cushioned, short stool-like seats. There is a table off to the side against one wall with a pitcher of water and two glasses and a serene painting depicting some distant world's shoreline. Dooku is fidgeting uncomfortably on one of the cushioned chairs while a middle-aged human male sat across from him. He was dressed only in his tunic and pants, the tabard, cloak and belt having been set aside._

_Between them were a variety of objects. Some of them were toys while others were puzzles and games only a child would find interesting. There were also parts for a mock lightsaber in a small box. In addition there were some geometric shapes and pebbles that were probably meant to be used by a Force-sensitive child. Dooku's attention seems to be drawn to the lightsaber parts than anything else._

_The light haired Jedi opened his blue eyes to meet Dooku's dark ones after a couple minutes of silence passes between the two._

_“I can sense your discomfort in being here. You do not trust easily,” he said with a gentle smile. “If at any point you feel uncomfortable talking to me, pretend I am not here and speak to your device as if you were simply making an entry. Do you believe you can do that?”_

_Dooku nodded while glancing at his recorder that sat on a nearby cushion, it's recording light blinking and obviously capturing what is happening in the chamber._

_“Excellent.” The Jedi mind healer shifted until he was cross-legged on the seat and more comfortable than he was. “We shall begin then. Let's start with something you are comfortable with. I'm told you have a keen interest in lightsaber combat. Not uncommon for our younglings, I remember being fascinated by the weapons myself when I was your age. Tell me what do you think of them?”_

_There was no answer. The Jedi remained expressionless save for a slight twitch of his brow. Dooku remained quiet but looked away. The statement of him being uncomfortable was exaggerated. It is apparent he does not want to be there, however the lightsaber parts caught his interest again and the Jedi seemed to pick up on it._

_“Go ahead and play with them,” the Jedi offered with a gesture of his hand. Dooku looked at him skeptically before he warily slid off the cushion-seat and went over to the box of parts. He began fishing through them, looking for all the parts he needed to assemble the mock-weapon. While he proceeded to occupy himself with his interest, the Jedi Knight continued to try and talk to him._

_“Have you ever assembled one of these before?” he asked of the boy. Dooku shook his head lightly while he sat down cross-legged next to the box, several parts laying in front of him. He picked up what was half of a hilt and another inner piece and began assembling them. “No? You seem to know what you're doing.”_

_“I've seen an older Jedi put one together,” Dooku answered as if it was obvious. He didn't look up at the mind-healer while he reached for another part._

_“You like to watch the other Jedi, don't you?” he asked subtly. Dooku hesitated in sliding an inner piece into the other half of the lightsaber hilt. It looks like he's thinking about responding before he resumes putting the weapon together and ignoring the Jedi. The healer frowned a little and looked thoughtful before trying a different approach in getting him to talk. “Do you ever ask to observe them?”_

_“No,” the boy replied after a minute of thought. He reached over for the focusing iris and started screwing it into place._

_“So you watch in secret?”_

_Dooku stopped assembling the toy and looked up at him angrily, offended. “No. They know I am there and don't mind.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“I can sense it.”_

_“What else can you sense when you observe the others?” Dooku's expression softened a little as he went back to the lightsaber. He didn't answer and the Jedi sighed softly. “Can you sense their moods?”_

_“No,” the boy answered. He reached for an inside piece and stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he tried to figure out how to attach the piece to the rest of the mock weapon. “I just know things.”_

_“The Force?”_

_“I guess.” The boy tossed the piece aside and reached into the box for something else. “I hear a whisper telling me the others don't mind me, telling me what a Jedi is doing or going to do just before it happens. It tells me that this,” he holds up a contraption resembling one of those Gand fingertraps but the center was visible, “is the piece I need next.” He then sits back down in front of the mess that was suppose to be a lightsaber and starts adding the crystal mount to the energy chamber._

_“Do you always listen to it?”_

_“I dunno,” he replied, paying little attention to the Jedi while he talked. “Maybe.”_

_“Were you hearing it when you observed the duel?” Dooku stopped in connecting the wires to the crystal matrix, dropping the pieces in front of him so that what little work he had done came undone. He did not look up nor did he answer the healer. “What was the Force saying to you?”_

_The boy finally picked up the parts again and in a quiet voice he answered, “He had to be stopped.”_

_“Who?” the mind-healer pressed gently. “Who had to be stopped?”_

_“The Padawan.”_

_“Why?”_

_“He was...” Dooku paused and wore a thoughtful expression, as if he was puzzling over what to say. He shook his head and did not finish the sentence right away._

_“He was what, Initiate?”_

_Dooku did not answer once more. He reached for a part that fell off the lightsaber and reattached it. The Jedi tried to ask again and when he did not receive an answer again, he sat back into his cushioned seat and thoughtfully observed the boy. Dooku continued to assemble the mock weapon until he had something that resembled a lightsaber finally, but when he went to turn it on, nothing happened._

_The boy wore a disappointed look, then scowled at the device before he started taking it apart to find out what went wrong with the assembly. He did this two more times all the while the healer remained quiet and simply let him play with the fake weapon. After the third attempt to get it to work, Dooku tossed the thing back into the box angrily and gave a frustrated pout._

_“Are you ready to talk now?” the Jedi asked a moment later. Dooku looked up at him with a scowl before turning his glare to the rest of the toys and puzzles in the room. He called a couple articulating figures to himself and examined them quietly while giving his answer to the Jedi. Silence reigned in the room for several minutes more and the healer gave a sigh bordering on frustration. Dooku had the two figures battling each other, the one figure seeming to grow more erratic and angry in its movements. “I can't help you if you don't talk to me, young... Dooku!”_

_The angry figure had flown across the room to smash into the wall just before Dooku stood with the remaining figure and ran away to another part of the chamber. Concerned, the Jedi healer followed him and watched as Dooku hid behind a larger couch with the remaining figure._

_“I didn't mean for them to die,” whispered the boy, the audio of the security camera barely picking up his words. “It wanted them to stop, I wanted them to stop. The master, he wanted me to go away. I... shouldn't have been there. I got him killed.”_

_The healer knelt down beside the couch and reached a hand out for the boy, laying it gently on his bent knees. “Is that what you believe?” Dooku could not be seen by the camera's angle but there was a subtle movement from behind the couch. “Is that what the Force is saying?”_

_“No,” came the boy's reply a moment later. There was a quiet sob and the healer reached for him with both arms and gathered him up. Dooku rested his head against the man's shoulder, his arms wrapped around his neck and the other figure still clutched in his small hand tightly. “He wanted to protect me. That's what the whisper is telling me.”_

_“Yes, little one,” confirmed the Jedi with a slight nod as he brought the boy back over to the seats. He tried to sit the boy on one of the seats but Dooku refused to let go and with a sigh and probably going against his own policy, he took the boy to his own seat and let him stay in his arms. “Master Vanoor knew you would be in danger if you stayed. What happened to him was the Will of the Force...”_

_Dooku shook his head against the Jedi's shoulder in disagreement before sitting up and scowling. “No it wasn't. The Force, it wanted them to stop. It didn't want them to hurt each other. I was suppose to stop them, but...”_

_“But what?”_

_Dooku sniffed and wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his tunic. “I didn't listen.”_

_“To the Force?”_

_Dooku nodded slowly._

_“What were you suppose to do?”_

_“To get help.”_

_“And because you hadn't, you believe you got Master Vanoor killed?” The boy nodded guiltily and the healer gave him a sympathetic, sad smile. “Oh youngling, you cannot believe that. Even if you had listened to the Force, Master Vanoor may still have died. You cannot say...”_

_“I should have stopped them,” Dooku answered darkly, the scowl seemingly to become a permanent expression on him lately. “If I was older and stronger, I could have stopped them. I know it.”_

_“And perhaps you could have,” the Jedi replied calmly, his tone soothing. It seemed to calm the boy a little that his scowl disappeared at least. “But you were not and at no fault of your own. You did what you believed was right and Master Vanoor took the risk to protect you from E'lan. Such is the risk we all take when we become Jedi Knights, a risk you will one day take yourself to protect perhaps your own Padawan or another youngling from an immediate threat. What happened was Master Vanoor's choice and nothing could be done to change it.”_

_“It still hurts,” Dooku quietly commented, his dark eyes darting to the figure in his hand. He squeezed it firmly, reassuringly._

_“Time will heal the wound, Initiate. I can also help ease that pain if you like,” he offered and the boy looked at him curiously._

_“How?”_

_“There is a technique that mind-healers learn. I can help you to forget the bad memory on your own through meditation. It will mean you will have to reassemble that lightsaber several more times though,” he lightly joked and Dooku gave the discarded piece of junk a dubious look before turning a confused one on the Jedi. Seeing that he did not understand the Jedi explained, “You would have to see me several more times until it no longer bothers you.”_

_“Will it make the dreams stop?”_

_“Dreams?”_

_“I can't sleep. I see them fighting.”_

_The Jedi nodded in understanding. “Yes, it will make those dreams stop eventually. In fact, your creche-master can help you with those. We can begin now if you like?” Dooku was hesitant as he thought it over but then he climbed out of the Jedi healer's lap to go back over to his seat. The Jedi smiled softly at his willingness and watched as the boy climbed back onto his own seat and sat cross-legged with the toy still in his hand._

_He then began instructing Dooku on entering a meditation trance and before long the boy sat with as close of a serene look on his face. The footage abruptly ends there._


	16. Chapter 16

**Year Three – Day 145**

_Dooku no longer has the sling. He seems rather happy compared to his last entry a year from this one. He has his training saber in his hands plus a couple other objects, one looking more like something he has been putting together rather than something given to him. It was an amalgamation of parts, there was at least one piece that looked like a comlink sticking out of it. The other item was a book, a real book made of leather and paper._

I'm seven years old today. Master Naki, again, only told me but didn't give me anything this time. Though the day wasn't entirely disappointing as last years. My clanmates got together to celebrate, or as best as a bunch of younglings can anyway. We mostly played around in the creche, but it was Lorian who came up with a way to spend the day. We managed to sneak out of the creche to go explore the Temple and some interesting places. Jo did get me something though.

_He lifts up the leather bound book to show the recorder the title. It read 'Lightsaber Techniques of the Past by Master Ven Zallow'._

I've already looked through the first couple chapters on it. I... don't fully understand everything that is being said by Master Zallow, but it has pictures at least.

_He opens it up and flips through a few pages before holding it up to show a sketch of two Jedi dueling._

Jo said it would help me with my lightsaber lessons. Well, that's what the archivist told her it would do. I can read, but there are words in here I've never seen before and I cannot pronounce them either. I suppose I'll have to ask Master Naki what they mean.

_He closes the book with a huff and sets it aside. Dooku then picks up the mesh of parts and rolls it between his hands._

Engineer Worlek, one of the civilians who works in the hangers, got me the parts to put this thing together. It's suppose to be a hyper-comlink but I can't get it to work. I want to know what is going on outside of the Temple since we're not allowed to leave the grounds, plus I want to see if I can use it to call home. We're also not allowed to see our families if we had any. I still miss them and I haven't forgotten the promises I made, but its hard to be patient.

Master Naki told me that I would be able to do almost anything I wanted, including going back home if I so chose, once I made Knighthood but she said that won't happen until I'm in my twenties.

_He starts counting his fingers._

That's... more fingers than I have and I'm only seven! So I'm trying to shorten that time by making this stupid thing. Maybe Worlek can help me with it.

_He sighs in frustration and sets it aside._

Healer Treylon has been telling me that I've made progress in accepting what had happened and letting go. I think he tricked me into doing meditations. He must have heard from someone that I don't like meditating. I don't like sitting still for long but... I have to admit that they have helped. I don't have the nightmares anymore, though I think Master Naki might have something to do with that. She's helped me sleep since I told her the dreams were keeping me awake. Maybe tonight I can sleep on my own?

_He purses his lips thoughtfully._

Tomorrow morning is Master Vanoor's funeral. I found out by asking Master Cerulian when he came to visit me to see how I was doing. I asked if I could go but he says only Padawans or higher ranked can attend. I think I will still go though. I'll have to recruit Lorian's help though. He knows how to open up the creche doors after lights out.


	17. Chapter 17

**Year Four – Day 145**

_Dooku is in his bed, covered up to the neck. He's laying on his side and the recorder seems to be propped up on a table or nightstand beside the bed. He reaches out to adjust it's angle before covering his face with a fist as he starts coughing._

This is the worse Naming Day ever.

_He sniffs and tries to breathe._

The whole creche is sick and I was the last one to fall ill. I blame Medea. She got sick first and is always dirty and touching everything. I remember when she started coughing, Master Naki took her to the healers and then came back and started taking everything away from us. Lor managed to keep one of the toys from the master but then he was the next one to get sick. Then Gorek, Jocasta, Liam, and a few others and finally me.

_He coughs again and closes his eyes in misery. Dooku wipes at his runny nose with his sleeve._

Healer Ioyna came in after Gorek got sick and I overheard her saying to Master Naki that we had gotten the Iridonian flu bug. I don't know what she meant by that. There are no bugs in here and I know the ones Liam has are not from Iridonia. I think they're from Alderaan.

_“Dooku,” came Naki's voice when he started another coughing fit. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to him and placed a hand on his brow. He moaned in misery. Worry etched her usually stoic expression. “You should get some rest. You can record an entry when you're better.”_

_“I'm thirsty,” was his reply and the creche-master reached past the recorder to grab a glass of water for him to drink. She helped him sip the cool liquid before returning it back on the nightstand and making him comfortable again._

_“Go to sleep, Yan,” she gently commanded, her hand passing over his eyes. He was asleep when she pulled her hand away. Naki then reached for the recorder and the image goes blank as it is turned off._


	18. Chapter 18

**Year Five – Day 200**

_Dooku is taller since his last entry over a year ago. He's grown quite a bit and seems more confident than when he was last seen. He's nine years old now and is presently floating several heavy looking objects in the air around him with little effort on his part. At least until someone interrupted his concentration with a tackle from out of no where._

Lor!

Ha! Got you!

_The objects fell around them with a heavy thud. The two boys wrestle a bit in front of the recorder with Lorian coming out on top and winning the match. Dooku scowls, displeased at losing and being pinned. He shoves his friend off him with the Force and Lorian falls back on his rump._

_“Cheater!” Lorian accused in jest._

Yeah well, you cheated in sneaking up on me.

_Lorian comes back over and sits in front of Dooku, who is scowling over his shoulder._

Lets go do something.

I'm already doing something, _Dooku replied._

What? Recording on this thing again? Its all you ever do, Yan! Come on, I discovered a new passage yesterday and I want to try out a new idea on Master Ollicu. It'll be a blast, I promise!

_Dooku looks hesitant as Lorian turns to the recorder._

It'll be the best ever!

_The blonde boy gets up and tugs at his friend's arm. Dooku is reluctant but after a moment, he lets his friend drag him to his feet and the recording ends with him gesturing at the device._

* * *

**Year Five – Day 200B**

_Dooku is wearing a scowl as he dries his wet hair before he begins this entry a few hours after the last one._

Lorian is going to get me expelled. His grand idea to try on Master Ollicu got us running for our lives. Apparently the Quarren master did not appreciate having his mobile humidifier reprogrammed to emit a green mist whenever he tried to use it. He knew immediately who was responsible upon seeing us slinking about some pillars in the Grand Hall. We _ran_ as if we had a Sith Lord on our tails.

We might as well have had one because Ollicu was clearly not pleased in being turned into a sickly green color by two younglings who apparently have nothing better to do than to pull pranks on him. Of course we were prepared to make a quick get away, what we were not prepared for is that Master Ollicu knew our plans somehow. I guess he used the Force to figure out that we simply did not vanish into thin air when we ran into the meditation room just off the Hall, because the next thing we knew the door to the secret passage opened up in front of us and this greenish ghoul with tentacles wiggling in irritation glared down at us.

One of us screamed, I think it was Lorian. It might have been me, I'm not really sure which of us yelled like a girl. We were too busy running down the narrow passage for our lives to tease the other about it. Ollicu right behind us. I knew he could have ended the chase very easily by grabbing both of us with the Force, but I think he wanted to, and very successfully, scare us into never bothering him again. We were very much afraid of getting caught by him and if I hadn't grabbed Lorian by the arm and dashed out through another door, we would have been horribly lost in the hidden passages. We haven't exactly found all the entrances and tunnels yet and had been warned by older Padawans that it was very easy to get lost in the hidden labryinth.

We found ourselves just outside of a refectory and would have run into the mess hall to escape but we both knew it would only delay the inevitable. Ollicu would have found us even amongst the throng of younglings and Jedi. Before I could even say “We're trapped!”, Lorian grabbed me by the arm and dragged me over to a chute cover inside the refectory and immediately I knew what he had in mind.

“No!” I remember protesting. “That's a garbage chute!”

“I know! It's the only way to get away. He won't suspect it! Now get in!” Lor had commanded and helped me into the chute first. I cried out in fright as my feet gave way and gravity took over. I slid down the narrow chute, cringing at the thought of being covered in all sorts of food and liquid and praying that the ride would end soon.

It did, in a spectacular and stomach churning splash. I surfaced with a gasp and spitting out something green and slimy, and trying not to gag on the fact that I had consumed fetid water before coming back up. I looked up in time to hear Lorian coming down the chute and with a cry of excitement he landed next to me, further covering me in more filth. I helped him up and he pulled from the top of his head something reminiscent of Ollicu's chin tentacles and then laughed.

“That was... AWESOME!” I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster. How could he think flying through a garbage chute and landing in a trash compactor, awesome? We were filthy and the place smelled horribly!

“Let's get out of here,” I had said and sloshed my way toward the door. I was thankful that the water only went as high as our waist. I did not want to swim any more in this foul stuff than I had to. “When we get out of here, I won't _ever_ complain to Master Naki about taking a bath again.”

“Haha,” chuckled Lorian from behind me as we climbed up to the small ledge that was the door alcove. He stopped laughing when we tried to open the door and it wouldn't budge and I could sense that he was starting to grow worried that his brilliant plan of escape was not so brilliant after all. “Um... you don't see a control pad do you?”

“No,” I replied with heavy concern. How were we going to get out of here and when was the last time the compactor compressed the garbage? As if to answer my unspoken questions, we heard a grinding noise in the background. I met Lorian's gaze as he met mine and we both knew we were in serious trouble.

I seriously did not want to become a Jedi pancake and because of my thoughts of coming to such an inglorious end were quite vivid, I panicked. I did not panic in the same way Gorek panics, clutching at my hair and stomping my feet. No, I simply just froze in place, breathing heavily. I was petrified and Lor could sense it. My fear of being smashed under a pile of refuse did not help him either and the next thing we both knew, we were banging on the door, calling out for help, praying to the Force that someone heard us.

The sound of groaning and twisting metal and squelching liquid and whatever else was in here with us, added to the noise of the walls slowly compressing together. We gave up trying to call for help and turned our backs to the door, pressing them as far as we could to flatten ourselves. The alcove was not very wide, only less than half a foot in depth and it wasn't enough to safely press ourselves into to avoid the closing walls. There was also the problem of the trash being compressed in our direction. If we weren't flattened, we would surely be impaled instead!

“If we survive this, we are _not_ doing this again!” I declared as my imagination played against me and I envisioned myself being impaled by forks that some absent-minded Jedi had accidentally thrown away rather than setting it with the rest of the utensils and trays for washing.

“Agreed!” Lor concurred next to me. As the walls drew ever and frighteningly closer, I remembered closing my eyes and turning my head away, not wanting to witness my own death. I could hear my father, whom I can barely remember now, shaking his head and regrettably commenting on my end. It went something along the line of 'It was probably fortunate then, that we had given him away if he managed to bring shame by getting himself killed on Temple garbage.' I wanted to please my parents so much, that I knew they would be ashamed and disappointed if I died this way.

And then, suddenly, everything stopped.

Tentatively, I opened one eye to look and saw the walls had desisted in their attempt to turn us into Jedi pancakes, just inches after passing the threshold that was the alcove. We glanced at each other and wondered what had happened. Had the machine broke? Did it realize there was something alive down here? Did someone realize we were down here? Our questions were answered when the door that we were pressed up against suddenly opened and we both fell unceremoniously backwards and before a pair of clawed, green and hairy feet.

I looked up from my sprawled position at a derisively serious face of our Grand Master. He leaned on his cane and his ears twitched ever so slightly that to anyone who didn't know him, would think he was irritated. But I knew him well enough to know he was amused.

Very amused.

“A wonderful smell, you two have discovered, yes?” he chuckled, finally showing the amusement I knew he was feeling. Quickly we gathered ourselves up and I tried to make myself as presentable as possible for the venerable Jedi Master, but I knew I reeked horribly. The wrinkle of his nose indicated as much. “To the showers you two shall go, then meditate on what you have learned from this. Tease Master Ollicu, you shall no more.”

“Yes, Master Yoda!” we both said in unison. He prodded us on our way with a tap of his cane and we hurried as quickly as we could for our creche. We did not hear the end of our misadventure when we got back to the creche. Master Naki was waiting for us with a clean set of clothes and towels and lots of soap, and a very long lecture.

_Dooku reached for the comb and started combing his hair back as he continued his tale._

I never felt so relieved in having a bath before until now. Master Naki had ushered us both into the community showers, not wanting us to track our new found filth through the creche common room. She made sure we were alone first before she had us strip out of our dirty robes, in which she hesitantly took and held by her fingertips before discarding, and ushered us into a stall. The cold water was a relief and the nerf-smelling soap bar was far more pleasant than what we had been covered in.

Of course, Lorian couldn't be serious about the whole thing and started joking as we suds up. “A wonderful smell you two have discovered!” he cracked up in his poor imitation of Master Yoda. I glowered at him when he pushed his soap bar in my face. “This thing smells just as bad as the garbage.”

“It smells better,” I countered. “Though I wouldn't mind what Master Naki uses.”

“Sssh! She doesn't know we snuck into her rooms,” Lor reminded me and I took a moment to recall another of our misadventures where we had been eight and had dared to trespass into our creche-masters domain to see what it was like. We had discovered Master Naki kept a colorful avian for a pet and Lor had made a comment in which the bird repeated, repeatedly. It also happened to include my name. I had managed to quiet the creature and we got out before our creche-master returned to find out what was going on. I still think that the beast ratted us out cause every time we see it perched on Master Naki's shoulder, it would repeat the same comment and ending with my name.

'Don't be such a Neimodian, Yan!' Master Naki never inquired as to why the avian kept calling me a coward. But I think she knew and because of that, I simply rolled my eyes at my friend and scrubbed furiously at the filth all over my body. When we were done, Master Naki dressed us and sent us back to the creche and to our small rooms to meditate. Which is what I should be doing right now instead of this.

_The sound of fabric moving is heard off-screen and Dooku looks over to see what it was. He frowned as Lorian came into view and sat beside him._

You shouldn't be here.

I know, but I can't meditate and I see you're not either.

I will be after I finish with this.

_Dooku gestures at the holorecorder and wrinkles his nose at Lorian._

You still smell.

You smell like nerf.

At least I don't smell like yesterdays leftovers and who knows what else was down there.

Maybe we should go raid Master Naki's perfumes?

NO!

_Dooku's shout startled Lorian and he stared at his friend strangely. The taller boy quickly apologized for his outburst and began to explain._

I don't want to get in trouble twice in one day. Maybe you should just go and ask Master Naki for another bath?

No way! Besides, I'm clean though maybe not as squeaky clean as you. You're skin is red.

_Dooku looks down at his exposed arms dubiously and then sighs softly._

I had to get it off. I still feel dirty.

You alright, Yan? You never had a problem with being dirty before.

That was before taking a swim in garbage, Lor.

I suppose. Come on, lets find something to do and if Master Naki shows up, we can say we wanted to meditate together.

_Dooku shook his head at his friend and gave him a look that suggested Naki would not fall for such a fabrication._

She knows we don't like to meditate, so that won't work. Besides, I'm not feeling all that well anyway. I think I swallowed too much of the garbage stew.

Ewww. You should go to the Healers just in case you swallowed a dianoga.

_He gave Lorian a dubious look and the blonde boy broke out into a fit of giggles._

What's so funny?

_It took Lorian a few minutes to stop laughing and with tears in his eyes he replied,_

Just a thought I had, of you swallowing a dianoga.

Ha ha, very funny. I'm serious, I'm not feeling all that...

_He didn't finish the sentence before he shot up to his feet and bolted for the refresher. The unmistakable sounds of someone unloading their stomach contents could be faintly heard in the background. Lorian got up a moment later when his friend didn't come back and he could be heard off-screen._

_“Yan? You alright?”_

_No reply._

_“Ewww! Master Naaaaaakiiiii!” Lorian could be seen running across the recorder's screen as he hurried out. “Yan upchucked a dianoga!”_

_“I did not!” Dooku shouted miserably from the refresher. Lorian returned with Master Naki a second later. Quietly she could be heard speaking to the young boy._

_“My goodness, you didn't swallow anything in that compactor did you? Come on, lets get you to the Healer's Ward...”_

_“I don't wanna die, Master,” complained a miserable Dooku as he's carried out of the bedroom, Lorian tailing right behind them both, looking concerned._

_“I doubt you will, youngling. You probably ingested something disagreeable and which Healer Ioyna can't fix.”_

_“She'll have to operate to remove the rest of the dianoga, Yan,” teased Lorian and the silence that followed suggested Dooku was glaring daggers at his friend. The holorecorder shut down a second later._


	19. Chapter 19

**Year Five – Day 220**

_Dooku looks angry, though he's doing his best to control his temper._

Master Yoda is being unfair to me. I was in his class for telekinetic control with others of my age or near it. He was letting us practice push feather since the tournament is only a couple weeks away and a lot of us wanted to participate this year. We went through the usual exercises to get warmed up before he paired us off in a mock tournament. He joined in this time because we were short one participant.

The exercise started out alright. I was winning my matches easily. I've learned that I could do telekinetic exercises very easily, so push-feather isn't that hard for me. At least until Master Yoda was paired up against me. No matter how hard I tried, I could not knock him off his pedestal like I could the others and after a few tries he'd send me tumbling to the mat with a simple shove in the Force.

I know he's not playing fair. He lets the others who have even less skill in telekinesis win against him. I've seen him do it. There was one girl who was having difficulty and after a couple tries against him, he let her win and fell over with great enthusiasm. He never once did that for me!

Not once!

_His temper flared and if he had anything in his hands, he probably would have broken it, such was his anger and hurt._

Master Yoda is unfair, cruel! All I wanted was just one win against him like he gave the others, I wouldn't have cared if he let me! By not falling over he made me look like a fool, a new youngling who couldn't manipulate the Force! Why? Why would he do that to me? I thought he was pleased with my progress with the lightsaber?

It doesn't matter. I'll show him though. I'll show everyone that he's treating me unfairly. Tomorrow I will feign getting hurt, maybe even break my arm. He'll have no choice but to confess what he's doing!


	20. Chapter 20

**Year Five – Day 221**

_Dooku looks ashamed, he doesn't look up once at the recorder and tears brim his eyes. He's in the small cave behind the waterfall where he had once hid in long ago._

I was wrong about Master Yoda and made a bigger fool of myself than I really was. I went to his lesson today with the intent of getting hurt to show everyone how unfair he was being toward me. I never stopped to realize that he was trying to teach me something and only when I was about to make a big mistake, did I understand.

_He bites his lower lip._

I... He was waiting for me, even arranged it so that we were first. I was ready to lose and break my arm and before I could give the customary bow, he declared “I win!”.

“But we haven't even started yet!” I had protested.

“Already lost you have, the moment you walked in,” he pointed out with a claw in my direction. I stared dumbstruck at him. He knew what I had been planning and prevented me from carrying it out. “Proud you are, Dooku. Thinking in the right, eager to prove yourself you were. Did not stop to think that perhaps old Yoda was teaching a promising student. Pride will be your undoing if you allow it, youngling.”

I didn't know what to say to him or do after that, so I bowed and accepted my loss. I didn't participate for the rest of the lesson. I screwed up and Yoda admonished me for my stupidity. I was going to hurt myself just so I could nurse my pride. He might as well have just hit me with his cane like he tends to do when I'm being stupid.

I wish he had.

_He swallows thickly and wipes at his eyes._

Maybe I should get that hyper-comm working and call my father to take me back. I don't think I'm cut out to be a Jedi. I'm easily angered and hurt when things don't go my way or I don't win.

_He sniffs and just sits there in the cave for a long time, seemingly lost in thought. Dooku wipes his sleeve across his nose and rubs the tears from his eyes again. After a while there is a noise from the cave entrance where the water fell like a curtain. His dark eyes turn toward it, scowling that someone would disturb his hiding place. His expression softens when he sees it is Jocasta, and the relief he shows suggests that he's glad its not Yoda or Lorian._

What are you doing hiding in here for?

Hiding.

I can see that. But why?

_Jocasta comes to sit down beside him. He's taller than her now by a couple inches._

I don't want to talk about it.

Alright, but Master Naki always says it helps to talk.

_Dooku scowls a little but it doesn't stay for long when he's suddenly hugged by the young red-head. She grips him firmly for a second more before letting go._

What was that for?

You looked like you could use one.

_He blinks, dumbfounded at her but then smiles shyly which she returns. They end up chatting about the others and things they've done and seen recently. Not once does she ask him again about what had upset him and he's grateful for it. He's laughing by the time the entry ends._


	21. Chapter 21

**Year Five – Day 234**

_Dooku is exuberant in his excitement as he paces around the common room, announcing:_

I won! I won! I won!

We know!

_That was Liam, a stocky boy with sandy-brown hair and hazel eyes. He had a jar with a bug inside in his hands as he sat on one of the couches. A couple of the others from the creche are present, Gorek and Medea sat or stood around Liam, watching Dooku a little perturbed._

_“He's not going to stop is he?” Medea inquisitively whispered to Gorek, who shook his head lightly. “I knew he liked to win, but... geez, rub it in why don't he.”_

_Gorek snorted in amusement._

Dooku!

_Dooku stops mid-step and mid-sentence when his name is called by the creche-master. She's standing in the door way to the common room. Her arms are folded across her chest and she's giving him the Sith Look. The boy looks down and straightens, behaving immediately._

Jedi are humble, even in victory. You would do well to remember that, youngling.

Yes, Master Naki.

Go and meditate on that.

_Dooku groans but nods in obedience. He starts to head out but then does a quick one-eighty to grab his recorder. And as he does, he whispers into it:_

I still won!

Dooku!

Is humble!

_The scene jostles as he hurries out. It settles at the edge of his bed and he hops onto it before exploding into a lengthy tale of how he had won the Push-feather Tournament Twelve and Under._

_“You're not meditating, Dooku,” Naki accused once he came to the end of his tale._

Yes, I am!

_“Dooku...” Naki's voice is getting closer and Dooku doesn't look like he's going to climb off of cloud nine any time soon. When Naki appears at the edge of the scene in the door way of his room, he's quickly gets on the floor and crosses his legs._

Is humbly meditating!

_He opens an eye when he hears Naki leaving and then smirks up at his recorder, whispering,_

And wins again.

_“I can hear you!”_


	22. Chapter 22

**Year Six – Day 23**

_He's not in the creche nor in the Temple this time. It appears he's on a ship and wearing a parka. Dooku is holding the recorder in his hands and a cold mist escapes his lips as he breathes._

Today was great despite Denton being the one to show us to the crystal caves of Ilum. He's a Padawan now, I think of about two years now. I should be happy for him but I haven't forgotten what he did to me when we were littler. But that doesn't matter right now. What matters is this!

_The image shifts as he holds the recorder in one hand and shows a tiny object in the other, between two gloved fingers. It is a yellow crystal and seems to glisten and vibrate slightly._

I got my first lightsaber crystal! Master Yoda says it won't be enough to make my new saber deadly, but it will have an important role in our continued training when we learn to construct lightsabers for the first time. When a Master takes me as his Padawan, I'll be coming back here for a second test and another crystal. This one and the second I will be able to construct my real lightsaber with. I'll also be alone too. The test I took today was called The Gathering, a ridiculous name if you asked me. I would call it the Temperance or some such since it tests who you are and your self-control. I learned that I can control my temper and set aside my pride...

_“You needed the lesson,” came Denton's voice as he entered the cabin after the others had settled in. He stopped in front of Dooku and looked down at him. The Zabrak was far taller than the human boy, but that was only because he was a couple years older than Dooku. “Still record on that silly thing?”_

Hey! Give it back!

_The image shifts to Denton's alien face, the tribal tattoos of his Iridonian clan can be clearly seen. Thin, inked lines crisscross a mild pattern across his cheeks, nose and chin with one line going straight down the middle of his brow to his center horn._

It seems you still need to learn self-control and detachment since you seem quite attached to this toy still. How old are you, Yan? Ten now and still playing with toys?

It is not a toy and I will learn, just not with you around! Don't you have something better to do, like maybe help the pilot get the shuttle in the air?

_The image abruptly shifts as its yanked out of Denton's grip and back into Dooku's. Denton just rolls his eyes and walks away to check on the other younglings. Dooku scowls into his recorder before shutting it off, his good mood gone._

* * *

**Year Six – Day 24**

_Dooku's location has changed again, he's aboard another ship and alone in a barracks like room. There are a lot of double bunks and he's sitting on the top one, holding his yellow lightsaber crystal in hand. He's looking it over with a keen interest, as if trying to commit to memory every aspect of it._

It sings, you know. The crystal. I can hear it's melody. It sounds sweet, like the music Madame Ova Yannu listens to sometimes when she's busy in the gardens. I remember her telling me once that the plants like it and I never really understood how something with no ears could like what it cannot hear. She said they do just not in the same way we do.

_He shrugs lightly and continues to examine his crystal._

I guess I am a plant, because I don't hear it's music with my ears, I hear it in the Force. It sings to me, telling me that we are together, we are one. It is warm in the Force even though its cold to the touch. I knew it was my crystal when I saw it. I was drawn to it in the caves, telling me that I had a lot of anger and pride, but I could conquer it if I just trusted the Force. So I did and its song grew louder and more welcoming.

_He holds it up to the recorder and turns it so the device got just about every angle of the crystal._

I like it. It feels... I dunno how to describe how it feels. Like a friend, maybe? That I can trust it and it would never fail me.

Master Yoda once spoke how the crystal was the heart and soul of a lightsaber, that our connection to it is what allowed us to make the blade an extension of ourselves. It is why we believe it is our very life. That when a Jedi loses the weapon, he loses a part of himself as if he had lost a limb. He says that is why it is very difficult for Jedi to build a second lightsaber, because it takes time and meditation to find a new crystal in the Ilum caves, one that is willing to reveal itself to the Jedi.

I never understood what he meant by that until now. Before, I thought crystals were just gemstones that focused the energy of the lightsaber into a blade. So when he spoke of them being alive, I didn't believe him. But now I do, now I understand. They are alive in the Force, almost as if they truly are sentient.

_Dooku closes his fingers around the small crystal, grinning like a child that has gotten the best present in the whole galaxy on Life Day._

I won't lose mine, ever!


	23. Chapter 23

**Year Six – Day 25**

_He is still on the ship, but in another part that looks like a workshop of some sort. He is alone. He is sitting on the floor beside a table, in his lap is a tray of lightsaber parts and his crystal and he's frowning deeply at them in disappointment._

Everyone already has their training sabers made except me. Mine won't come together like it should. I... I don't understand why. I did exactly as Huyang explained, but then again I should have expected a _droid_ to be incapable of fully grasping what is needed to make one. He may have the blue prints and the programming to say the right words, but I doubt he fully grasps what he's teaching.

_He purses his lips and reaches out with a hand, closing his eyes as he does. The parts begin to float up and around each other as he focuses on assembling the weapon. The pieces come together but do not connect. In frustration, he drops the pieces back into the tray._

This is nuts. I can't put this thing together like he told me to.

_He pushes the tray aside and climbs to his feet. Dooku strides over to a console with a purpose in his step and climbs into the chair. Sitting on his knees he accesses the computer in search of what he needs before copying it to a holodisk to take back to his place by the table._

_A lightsaber blueprint soon oscillates beside him._

Trust the components to be together, he says. Tis the Force that binds them.

_He huffs as he studies the hologram and examines each of his parts that he as._

The Force is telling me to assemble it this way, stupid droid.

_As he begins putting each piece together by hand, his eyes once more close and he no longer pays attention to the hologram instructing him on how to assemble the weapon. His hands ghost over each piece, seeming to randomly select a piece before he adds it to the weapon. When he's done, he has in his hands a straight hilt lightsaber that looks rather plain at first, but upon closer inspection its aesthetics are elegant and classical, characterizing his subconscious tastes._

_He smiles in triumph as his fingers glide gently over the finished weapon._

Finally! I built my lightsaber and not in the way that Huyang said to do it.

_“Yes, but does it work, Initiate Dooku?” came the masculine voice of the droid. Dooku looks startled at the sudden intrusion as the machine noisily walked over to the young boy. “You constructed it like one would not touched by the Force. There is truth in what I say even if I may not comprehend its meaning fully.”_

_The boy glared at the droid._

The Force guided me to build it this way.

_“Then let us see if your feelings were well placed, youngling.” He held out a metal hand for the weapon and Dooku refused to hand it over at first. But the infinite patience of the architect droid out-lasted the stubbornness of the boy. Reluctantly, Dooku handed over his weapon and immediately the droid began examining it._

_“Hmmm....” he hummed as he turned the weapon over and over, looking at it from different angles. “Yes, a fine blade you have crafted. Graceful like a Jedi, but classical like times of old. You are from Serenno, correct?”_

Yes.

_“Hmm, yes, that explains much for your choice in parts. Serenno is an ancient colony of Alderaan. Did you know that?” Dooku shook his head and Huyang continued. “It is a civilization that cherishes elegance and culture. Many great composers and thespians have come from your homeworld, as well as great warriors and leaders. But they have a history of being defiant towards authority not of their own and very proud. Did you know a Count of Serenno had almost won the independence of your planet a thousand years ago during the Reformation Years?”_

_Dooku furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding where the droid was going with his lecture._

_“Had the attempt on Chancellor Valorum's life never happened, your people would be outside of the Republic and you would more than likely be growing up in your ancestral home rather than training to be a Jedi. You see when the assassination attempt had been made, the Houses of Serenno were insulted and their pride demanded that they support Valorum despite their desire for independence. You have much pride and independence in you, and these qualities are built in your lightsaber. They are admirable qualities, but they can also be vices and hinder your goals.”_

I know that. Master Yoda constantly reminds me every time I am too proud.

_Dooku growled his frustration at being lectured by the droid._

_“And too proud you are now,” Huyang replies and hands the weapon back to the boy. “Your desire to do things your way cloud your judgment and therefore your ability to hear the Force guiding you. You must trust the Force and set aside your personal desires.”_

I did listen. It guided me, told me which piece to assemble next. You're just upset that I didn't do things _your_ way.

_“Is that so?” Dooku folded his arms across his chest, clearly confirming that was his belief. Huyang gave a very human sigh and gestured to the boy. “Then let us see which of us is too proud, young one.”_

_A look of uncertainty flickered in Dooku's gaze as he looked down at the weapon. He hesitated in turning it on before he handed it to the architect droid again after coming to a difficult decision._

Maybe you should?

_“I sense doubt in your craftsmanship,” the droid replied and accepted the weapon. He did not turn it on but rather opened it up and revealed to Dooku what he already knew. “And it is good that you had set aside your pride and listened to the Force, for if you had turned it on it would have exploded in your hand. You crossed the wrong wires and a feed-back loop would have been the devastating result.”_

I can fix that!

_Huyang returned it to it's owner and Dooku did exactly that. The next time he held the completed weapon, he did not hesitate to activate the blade nor wore any expression of doubt. A gold beam of light sliced into the air between them and Dooku looked proud and satisfied that he had finally completed his lightsaber._

_“Remember this, young one, pride comes in many ways and can be deadly when nurtured. The Force is your ally, let it guide you.”_

I will remember, Professor Huyang.

_Seemingly satisfied the droid walked out of the workshop, leaving Dooku alone with the lightsaber. The boy turned to the camera and grinned, but it slowly faded as his thoughts turned to the lesson he just learned._

I hate to admit it, but that droid does seem to know something of the Force. Almost like it knew the Force would tell me that I had crossed the wrong wires and stop me from making a big mistake. I remembered my lesson in the Ilum cave and set aside my pride and listened to the Force's whispers. I'm glad I had.

_He looks down at the disengaged weapon, lightly ghosting his fingers across the hilt before igniting it again. Dooku performed a couple Shii-cho katas before wincing when the blade tip brushed against a chair._

Oops. Maybe I should take this to the ship's training room before I break something. Last thing I need is Huyang coming back to lecture me about his workshop not being meant for lightsaber practice.

_He laughs a little and disengages his weapon. The long hilt soon hangs from his belt and he gathers up the recorder._


	24. Chapter 24

**Year Six – Day 321**

_Dooku is sitting at the foot of his bed, scratching a rash on his arm. There is also a rash on his neck and he's trying not to scratch there as well._

Healer Ioyna says I'm allergic to Kashyyyk vine snapper, that's why I'm scratching these rashes. They itch. I shouldn't be but I can't help it. Master Naki says its my fault for hiding in a thicket of them in the gardens and I suppose it is since I didn't listen to the Force telling me not to. It was the perfect place to hide from the others, especially after I made sure to lead Jocasta on a wild nerf chase!

_He catches himself reaching up to his neck and purses his lips. Dooku experiments by sitting on his hands but it only lasts for a few seconds before he has to scratch his arm again. He sighs miserably._

We were playing hide and seek with a couple others from the clan. Lorian and Medea. They are not very good at the game like Jocasta and I are. I'm good at it because I can hear the Force telling me where to go. Jocasta never told anyone how she does it but I was able to coax it out of her a while ago after another game of hide and seek in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. I don't think she's told any of the masters yet though.

_He pauses and looks up when Master Naki comes into his room with a small jar no bigger than her palm. Dooku squirms a little when she sits down beside him and starts applying a white cream to his rashes._

Ioyna says not to scratch these and to have this applied every time you feel the urge to. Trust me, Yan, this will make it feel better.

_Dooku's expression softens to relief as the cream begins to work._

Better?

Yes, Master.

You will have to remember to stay away from that section of the gardens from now. No more hiding there, alright?

_Dooku nods unhappily. Naki finishes applying the salve to his rashes before leaving the jar on the nightstand next to his bed. She makes sure that he's alright one more time before leaving him to his recorder. Once she was gone, Dooku turns his attention back to the device. He is no longer trying to itch the rashes._

What was I saying? Oh yeah! Jocasta's ability to find me when we play hide and seek. She explained it to me once and I don't know what to call it, nor does she. Jo said she can see what happened to an object if she focused on it. I'm not quite sure how that works, but she says it is how she was able to find me quickly. When I asked her to explain, she told me all she had to do was find something I've recently touched and she can see which way I went.

Since then I've been leading her on wild nerf chases whenever we play. I purposely touch things for her to follow and when I do hide, I do my best not to touch anything. She likes it, I think. At least that's the impression I get when she does finally discover where I've hidden myself. I'll have to ask her next time if she doesn't mind me tricking her.

I know I enjoy it. It's not easy trying to deceive someone who can follow you into the past and find where you really are. Jo is smart so it makes it harder to trick her and I like the challenge. It kinda makes it hard to keep secrets from her too. There was this one time, and I didn't know how she did it either, where I had borrowed something from her room. Well, I wasn't exactly borrowing it. Lorian wanted me to take it so he could use it and Jo refused to let him. So he got me to take it since she doesn't mind me in there.

Lorian wouldn't have that kind of trouble with her if he'd just stop teasing her, you know? I think him taking that book from her a few months back finally put her off him. It was the first time I saw her be brought to tears over something and I know Jo is tough, really tough and I guess Lorian's teasing was just too much that day. It took me to get the book back for her and telling my best friend off.

She.. uh... kinda gave me a kiss for it. On the cheek, that is.

_Dooku blushes and then coughs as he rubs the back of his head._

Besides that, there really hasn't been much going on worth noting. Well there is this course that I'm interested in taking next semester. It promises a chance to get out of the Temple finally. That hyper-comm I was working on a while back, it didn't work out like I hoped. One of the Jedi Knights monitoring communications discovered the signal and traced it back to me. I had it taken away by him and got an earful about unauthorized communications. But I was able to get a hold of my father at least once before I was discovered.

He was surprised to hear from me. Told me that he thought I was not allowed to speak to my family and I told him it's true. I'm not allowed. I told him I miss home and what has happened to me and... and... He told me he was proud and that I only had a few more years to go before I could come home if I really wanted to and that I should focus on my studies and make him even more proud by becoming a Jedi Knight. I...

_He swallows thickly and looks away. After a few moments he regains his composure and looks back at the recorder and changes the subject._

Denton hasn't been around the Temple, thank the Force, so it's been rather peaceful this year. I should be focusing on getting a master's attention now that I'm old enough to be taken on as a Padawan, but I'm confident I'll get one. The Force assures me of it. I've worked on my lightsaber technique and finally got use to the curved hilt I had built mine as. I have a few burns on my legs to show for it. I'm glad that we didn't get to construct a real blade cause I'm certain I would have lobbed off a leg or two by now.

_He grins a little and then reaches forward to shut off the recorder._


	25. Chapter 25

**Year Seven – Day 30**

_This is the second time that Dooku has been outside of the Jedi Temple. He is with other younglings being led by a short, male Rodian Jedi Master who is busy explaining the history of the Senate Rotunda. The boy briefly appears in the image as he explains what they're doing there._

When I heard that we could sign up for extracurricular credit for our social science courses, I jumped on the opportunity to get out of the Temple at last. Master Jeedo was offering a course in political science and after some research, I found out he takes his students on a tour of the Senate Rotunda so we can get some experience on actual politics at work. We're suppose to eventually watch the Senate in session but we just got here and the Senate isn't suppose to meet for another hour.

_He turns the holo-recorder back around so he can show where they are. They seem to be at a landing terminal of some sort. There are people everywhere, not just politicians. Jeedo is explaining that the Senate Spaceport had seen itself rebuilt countless times over the last four thousand years, each time it's appearance always changed._

_Jeedo is leading them into the Rotunda and through the grand hallway that displayed many of the banners and tapestries of the sectors and systems that were represented in the Senate. There were also statues of past Chancellors and immediately one of the younglings notices one that also caught Dooku's interest._

_“Why is there a Jedi statue in here?” asked a young girl and Jeedo brings the group over._

_“This is Master Ola Reysan,” explained the Rodian. “She was one of very few Jedi before the Reformation to have been elected as Chancellor. Master Reysan would lead the Republic to victory against Lord Remus and bring peace to the galaxy during her twenty years as Chancellor. She is honored not for her victory over the Sith, but for her political triumphs that allowed her to end conflicts before they could begin.”_

Why does the Senate elect non-Jedi when it's obvious Jedi are the better choice to lead?

_That was Dooku and the holo-recorder's view drops to the floor as Jeedo is heard answering the young boy._

_“Because, Initiate Dooku, power corrupts.”_

_“Obviously,” quipped the boy, sounding displeased with the Jedi Master's answer. “The Senate is full of corruption. But Master Reysan was immune to the temptation, was she not?”_

_“To a degree,” the Rodian replied a little amused, as if he's been faced with these questions before. “Her discipline as a Jedi helped her resist the temptation to abuse her position of power for most of her career. She was not entirely immune, however.”_

_“So if our discipline helped her resist,” Dooku pressed on, “with the Force guiding her, then isn't it more logical to have a Jedi as a chancellor than a non-Jedi despite the fact that temptation will still tempt the Jedi?”_

_“It is that alone as to why we do not lead the Republic, young one,” Jeedo answered and gestured up at Reysan. “Master Reysan was an exceptional Jedi Master who was very attuned to the Force. Her connection allowed her to perceive the consequences of her choices, and the morals and the Code of the Jedi helped guide her along an honorable and peaceful path. The High Council did not approve of her ascension to the Chancellery but could not argue that she was the better choice at the time. She had been tempted and had given in to that temptation which briefly led to immoral decisions made. Had the Sith not returned at the time and the threat of war lingering on the horizon around the end of her political career, her choices would not have been seen as perspicacious foresight by history but rather as her tragic fall to the Darkside.”_

_There was silence as Jeedo waited for Dooku to try and counter argue with him. After a moment the boy did come up with something. “Maybe it was foresight and she simply made the decisions that no one else would or could? Is that not expected of a leader, Master Jeedo?”_

_“Yes, it is, but for a Jedi to make such decisions could lead him or her down a dark path in which they could never return from. What then shall we call it when a Jedi becomes a Sith because of the position of office he has undertaken? It is a risk we Jedi cannot take and the offices of the Senate is too great of a temptation toward the Darkside of the Force. Do not look so defeated, Initiate Dooku,” Jeedo tried to appease as he approached and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. “You are not the first to question why we do not lead, nor will you be the last. It is good that you do ask them.”_

_“Why?”_

_“So you may know early why it is dangerous.”_


	26. Chapter 26

**Year Seven – Day 41**

_He's back in his room in the Temple. There are piles of datastacks on his bed and the floor. He has a datapad in his hand which he's typing into as he sits at the foot of the bed, on the floor with his legs crossed. His hair is rumpled and looks like it is in need of a trimming again. His clothing is also wrinkled, as if he hasn't gotten out of them at all. The holo-recording times the entry in the early hours of the morning which means the boy probably has not been asleep or had gotten up early._

I'm never gonna get this report done in time. Ever since I made my opinions known at the Senate Rotunda, Master Jeedo has been piling homework on top of my classwork. He wants me to write a report on Master Reysan's tenure as Supreme Chancellor and why the Jedi Order does not allow its members to hold a position of office. I think its stupid that we don't. I really did mean what I said when I think the galaxy would be better off if Jedi held political office.

_He purses his lips and sets his datapad down before resting his chin in hand and scowls at the recorder._

I don't want to write it but if I don't, he's going to fail me.

_His scowl deepens as he becomes lost in thought and looks at the datastacks he's collected. He frowns slightly before reaching up for one and scanning over it's contents briefly._

Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should write what I believe in. He's wrong, the Order is wrong. I'm certain of it. I mean for twenty years a Jedi kept peace in the galaxy, it is only with the return of the Sith that she had fallen from grace as a Jedi. As a politician, a leader, she did what was necessary to protect us all. She cannot be faulted for that right?

_He picks up his datapad again and hits the delete button on the keypad. The entry ends with him typing furiously into the pad of what exactly he thought about Reysan and Jedi politicians._


	27. Chapter 27

**Year Seven – Day 45A**

_This entry is not a recording, but a submission of a file. It is the essay that Dooku had been working on days before and it seems he had made it an entry for his personal journal. The essay has been graded with high marks despite that it did not conform to the parameters of the assignment. There is also a note that the essay was not counted as part of his overall grade._

**The Force and The Republic**

by Yan Dooku

The Force is all encompassing, it binds the universe together and creates life and guides those who can feel its influence. It's whisper has guided countless men and women of all races throughout history; to victory against those who would conquer and oppress, to protecting the helpless and the innocent, to restoring and keeping the peace where turmoil broiled. History is made by those who can command the Force, so why are those who are touched by it disallowed to make history anymore?

Fear is a powerful emotion and it can influence a person's decisions for better or for worse. It is this emotion that has led to the Jedi Order to becoming nothing more than peacekeepers and negotiators. The Jedi High Council were not afraid of becoming the Sith, but rather it were the politicians who felt the galaxy had suffered enough from Jedi falling to the Darkside. So in order to prevent the Jedi from becoming Sith again, Supreme Chancellor Tarsus Valorum created and pushed for the Reformation Act that would see to the dismantling of the Army of Light and the restructuring of the Jedi Order and making it answerable to the Republic Senate instead of just the Supreme Chancellor (GR 3).

“For twenty-four thousand years the Jedi Knights were keepers of the peace and justice” (Farfalla 20). During those twenty-four thousand years we fought the wars that no one else was willing to fight. We banished our own kin for daring to think radically because it would lead us down a dark path, one that the galaxy would not want us to follow. We were purged numerous times by those who hated and feared us, who wanted revenge or to simply get us out of their way of conquest. We bled and died for the galaxy and asked nothing in return and yet when we finally vanquished the Sith once and for all, how does the galaxy repay us for our service?

They turn us into a glorified security force that has to be constantly watched just so one of us does not fall to the Darkside and start up another thousand years of darkness and war. The politicians fear that which they cannot comprehend and what they cannot comprehend, they try to destroy or control it. Supreme Chancellor Valorum knew he could not disband the Jedi Order, so he opted to trying to control it, to weaken its influence in the galaxy so that it would not be exposed to the elements that caused the Jedi Exiles to fall to the Darkside and form the Sith Order and therefore restart the cycle again (Valorum 124).

Tarsus Valorum is wrong about them. The Jedi Exiles did not fall to the Darkside and found the Sith Order because they were corrupted by power, they fell to the Darkside because they were persecuted by their fellow Jedi for studying forbidden knowledge. They founded the Sith Order out of revenge and to survive after they had been exiled by the Republic to Wild Space. The Jedi are not responsible for the creation of the Sith. The Republic is responsible for them and thousands of years later, men like Valorum choose to ignore that piece of information and accuse us, the Jedi, for causing the last few thousand years of conflict because they believe our power corrupts us. For some fallen Jedi, that is the case but for most who had fallen “it is out of desperation or for the love of the very same establishment that now condemns them” (Cerulian 243).

Valorum believed that by reducing the influence of those who can command the Force, that he would be reducing the risk of a devastating war breaking out again. He believed that peace could last longer than a few decades and that the Jedi would not have to lead armies again. Perhaps he is right about the latter, we haven't led an army since the dismantling of the Army of Light, but peace is a lie. There has been no peace in the galaxy since the Reformation Years. Although there has been no war between the Jedi and the Sith for the last nine-hundred years, there have been conflicts between the Jedi and other Force sects or Dark Jedi who choose to break away from the rules and restrictions placed on the Order by the Reformation Act.

The Jedi have been involved in over three thousand, six hundred and seventy-four notable conflicts in the last nine-hundred and eight years. Two hundred and fourteen of those have been major wars with various factions, half of which were fought against the Hutt Empire (Russco 430) and six of which were fought against the Mandalorians (Ordo 902). Whereas before the Reformation Act, the only major wars the Jedi Order had to fight in the last four thousand years were the ones started by the Sith, the Mandalorians or the Hutts and they total less than the number the Jedi have had to fight since the Reformation Act.

Why is that? Why has the galaxy seen less conflict before the Reformation Act than it does after? It is because the Jedi Order was allowed to hold political and military power within the Republic! Our influence was far and wide and we were able to stop conflicts before they could fester into a full scale war by simply reminding people of the consequences of such a conflict would bring to both themselves and the galaxy should it come to war. No one wanted to fight a Jedi led Republic army, it would have been a forgone conclusion with the Jedi and the Republic coming out as the victors. The only time they had ever lost were when the Sith or Mandalorians became involved and led an army of their own against the Republic (Russco 382).

The Jedi were also well respected and revered by many, and we had many allies and friends in the political arena. A simple word to a person of influence could change the outcome of a conflict. The presence of a revered Jedi Master would be enough to make rivals become friends before he even had stepped off the transport. The Jedi Order held much power in the old days before the Reformation Years. We did not have to bring our lightsabers out for some aggressive negotiations as often as we do now. The people of the galaxy did not test the patience and discipline of the Jedi like they do now. “More Jedi have died in these times of peace than they have in all the wars we have fought since the formation of the Sith Order” (Cerulian 250).

It should also be noted that whenever a Jedi has been elected Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, there has been a greater sense of peace in the galaxy than there ever has when a non-Jedi leads. Jedi Master Ola Reysan is one such Jedi Chancellor that has led the Republic through twenty years of peace before the Sith returned and disrupted the tranquility. Under her leadership the Republic saw an economic boom stretching from the Core to the Mid Rim and to a few worlds out in the Outer Rim, my homeworld Serenno being among those to benefit from the economic reforms created by her administration. It also saw fewer trade disputes and political unrest during her tenure and the foundations of the anti-slavery laws in the Expansion Region of the Republic (Singh 4390).

However Jedi Chancellor Reysan would be condemned by the Jedi High Council for the decisions preceding her resignation from the seat of office. From a certain point of view, a person could argue that she had done exactly what Tarsus Valorum feared would happen, and possibly based his decision on, however, on the other hand, a person could argue that Reysan had done what any leader in her position should have and would have done had they been privy to the same knowledge she had possessed. “Jedi Chancellor Reysan had forsaken her religious views to prepare the Republic and the Jedi for the coming war she had foreseen. Had she not, I can only imagine how the subsequent Mandalorian War and Sith Wars would have turned out with a Republic unprepared for the magnitude of death and destruction.” (Singh 4398).

Although in the end she would be seen as a corrupted Jedi by her peers, she would be considered, by history as one of the greatest chancellors the Republic has ever had. Even now, today, we continue to honor her with a statue in the Senate Rotunda, even if the Jedi are reluctant to do the same in our own halls. Reysan, in the end, may have chosen immoral decisions and embraced the darker methods commonly associated with our dark brethren, her intentions were good and she helped save millions of lives. Could she have chosen differently to achieve the same results? Perhaps she could have, but Jedi do not dwell on the “what ifs” and the past. What was done is done and Reysan is an example of a Jedi leader willing to do what is necessary to protect the people of the galaxy, even at a great cost to themselves.

Jedi Master Ola Reysan's foresight granted by the Force helped her lead the Republic through twenty years of peace and prosperity and it cannot be argued against that it is such a terrible thing to have as a leader. Without it, where would have the Republic been in those decades and the wars proceeding afterward? We know where exactly the Republic would be without the Force leading it's people, the last thousand years are testament to a lack of the Force in politics and the everyday function of the Republic.

**Cited Works**

Cerulian, Master Thame. “The Order of the Dark Lords.” _Treatise of the Jedi Order_ 280 (873): 240-255. Holonet 5-3-909.

Farfalla, Master Valenthyne. _Masters of the Force._ Republic City: Coruscanti Publications, 10. Print.

Ordo, Mandalore Chas. _Blood, Guts and Glory: The Mando'a Way._ Keldabe: Galactic Books, 2374. Print.

Galactic Republic. Senate. Committee on Constitutional Reformation. _Hearing on the Restructuring of the Jedi Order._ 976th Senate, 3rd sess. Coruscant: RPO, 23,989. Print.

Russco, Prof. Dunald. _History of the Galactic Republic._ Republic City: Coruscanti Publications, 890. Print.

Valorum, Chancellor Tarsus. “Reforming the Republic: The Autobiography of Tarsus Valorum.” 42. Holonet file.

Singh, Dr. Yular. _Chancellors of the Republic_. Republic City: Coruscanti Publications, 905. Print.

* * *

**Year Seven – Day 45B**

_The next entry has Dooku sitting at a desk in his room. He looks irritable and bored at the same time. A stack of datacards are to his right and his datapad lays flat in front of him. He's typing lazily at the keys before resting his head on a propped arm._

Master Jeedo praised me on my essay and even gave it high marks, but told me it would not count towards my overall score for the class. He says he will give me a second chance to write the assignment I was given, but it won't receive the full marks it would have gotten if I had done it the first time. It's not fair. I do not agree with him or the ancient Council's decisions to bar us from any office of power within the Republic.

_He sighs and pushes away the datapad and scowls a bit._

I'll do his stupid assignment and then one day I'll prove to him and the others that a Jedi can make an excellent politician. At least a Jedi won't succumb to the corruption that plagues the Senate everyday. I mean, what good does greed and wealth do for a Jedi? We wouldn't need it to bribe people after all. We have the Force and would know which avenue to take to get someone on our side. It's that simple, right?

_A comlink beeps somewhere behind him and he glances over his shoulder at it before calling it to him. Lorian's voice is heard on the other end._

_“Hey, you done with that assignment yet?”_

No.

_“Aww,” complained the other boy. “When will you?”_

Probably never. Why?

_“I just got finished with my last class for the day and I was wondering if you wanted to sneak out of the Temple and go exploring. We're old enough now.”_

I would but I do have this essay to finish.

_The look he gave the comlink suggested that he knew they were not old enough to be outside of the Temple by themselves, but didn't bother pointing that out to his friend._

_“Finish it later. I'll meet you at the Auxiliary Maintenance 94 passageway in ten. We can get out that way.”_

But...

_“Come ooooon, Yan,” pleaded Lorian. “You spend way too much time with your studies. You need a break. So do I.”_

_Dooku is quiet as he contemplates on going or not._

_“Jocasta and Medea are coming. You're not gonna let_ them _show you up are you?”_

Alright, I'm coming!

_The recorder shows him getting up and searching through his room for his cloak and utility belt. He snatches the curved hilt of his lightsaber from the bed before he's seen hurrying out of the room._


	28. Chapter 28

**Year Seven - Day 46**

_It's a brief entry. Dooku isn't happy._

I've been grounded. Knew I shouldn't have listened to Lorian. Frak.

* * *

**Year Seven - Day 47**

_Dooku looks tired and dirty, though dirty as in from having to clean something._

Too exhausted to add anything tonight. Let me just say, cleaning the lavatories on this level is not worth sneaking out of the Temple. A whole month!

_He groans and shuts off the recorder._


	29. Chapter 29

**Year Eight – Day 60**

I'll be twelve cycles soon and still without a master.

_Dooku doesn't look worried as he sits on his bed fiddling with the innards to his lightsaber as he talks to the recorder. A piece of his lightsaber hovers next to him as he uses the Force to make it float within reach of him._

Jocasta already has a master. She was selected a few months ago by one of the historians. A Jedi Lorekeeper by the name of Joyce D'Lur. She's human and from one of the Core Worlds, though I am not sure which one. I'll have to ask Jo next time I see her.

_Here he sets his disassembled weapon aside and lets the floating piece settling back down to his bed to rest with the other pieces on the soft cloth beside him. He's quiet with a thoughtful look for a few minutes before he continues speaking._

I already miss her. Master Yoda says I shouldn't, that attachment is not the Jedi Way. Yet I cannot help but feel that way. She's my friend...

_“Girlfriend,” intruded Lorian off-screen who then appeared plopping his gangly body onto the bed behind Dooku. The dark-haired trainee reached out for his weapon parts as they bounced from Lorian's unexpected collapse. He threw his friend a glare._

She is not my girlfriend. Jedi do not have girlfriends.

Uh huh. You spent a lot of time with her this last year.

We were studying.... unlike you.

Is that what they're calling it these days?

Lorian! I... we're... She's eleven and I'll be twelve! We've ...err... Its not physiologically possible for us... yet, that is. And we would... not that I would even consider... Stop laughing.

_Dooku scowls darkly at his laughing friend, completely flustered at the implication he assumed his friend had been suggesting._

Chill, Yan. I'm certain you two were studying. Besides the thought of you two doing anything remotely like that is revolting.

_Lorian made a disgusted face behind Dooku._

I agree. Now either leave or shut up. My lightsaber needs reassembling.

_The sandy haired boy giggled as he slid off the bed and left his friend. Dooku continued to scowl at his retreating form but his flustered looked remained once he was gone and tried to finish what he had been doing before the interruption. A few minutes later and to no avail, he plopped onto his back in frustration, clearly distracted by the conversation._


End file.
